That will be the subject of our last article in the series, scheduled to run Aug. 24. How do you broach the subject of long-term care, caregiving and end-of-life issues with your parents?
Some recent stats I've run across from MetLife AARP:
47 percent of adult children caregivers are in the workforce and have to balance working with caring for their elderly parents.
70 percent have never once discussed finances with their parents.
As Smith Mountain Lake author and nationally known elder-care speaker Barbara McVicker says: "So you don't know if you have to work five more years to support your parents, of if they have so much money under the mattress that you can all go on a cruise."
Does anyone have a strategy they've used to broach the subject that they can share here?
I'll feature more of Barbara's advice in my Aug. 24 story....
As well as her last-resort advice: "If all else fails, TEARS! You guilt them into it."
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elderly parents needing to "make the move"
Deterioration of driving skills in the elderly often triggers a move into a facility which provides more care and services. Many people drive longer than they safely should. In our location, when a person turns 80, they must do a "paper test" for license renewal - not a road test! We talked to the family doctor of my 87 year old father-in-law and explained our concerns about his driving and asked that the doctor order a road test, which he did. My father-in-law would not listen to us. He took the test and did not pass. This loss of mobility was the turning point for our family's efforts to get him into a facility that provided a safe, active and healthy environment. We were afraid he was going to kill somebody on the road, as well as himself.
Often people will listen to their own doctor, rather than their kids, especially if they are suspicious about motivations.
If you can list your concerns and give specific examples of what you have witnessed (leaving pots on the stove, not eating properly, having accidents, memory loss etc.) and talk to the elderly person's doctor, that can really help.
When his wife had "funny spells" a year or so later and was accompanied to an appointment by her daughter, the daughter asked "How might this condition affect a person's ability to drive?" which caused the doctor to say "Don't drive until we have this figured out." That caused some quick thinking about "what will I do if I can't drive?" which put us on the path to finding another place to live.
Good luck.