The best-laid plans

As a longtime minister and statewide leader in the United Methodist Church, the Rev. Jim Holloman thought he was doing right by his wife, Ann. He socked away an above-average portion of his salary into his retirement account.

Ann Holloman
Months before he retired in 1997, he bought airline tickets in anticipation of a post-retirement vacation in California. For years, he had encouraged parishioners to do the same. “Don’t wait. Go while you can,” he said.

But a freak accident during a church ceremony — on the very day of his retirement — brought his own plans to a halt. A minister standing next to him caught her heel in her robe and fell into him. When he hit the concrete floor with full force, he broke both arms and both legs. The plane tickets went unused.

Thus began nine years of full-time caregiving for Ann Holloman , a 74-year-old Vinton woman who has seen her husband through a steady roller coaster of emergencies that developed after the fall. First a broken back and then a stroke, and finally, most devastating of all: dementia.

She tore both rotator cuffs trying to care for him at home. When she finally heeded her own doctor’s advice to place Jim in a nursing home two years ago, he was hallucinating, accusing her of having affairs and threatening violence.

Bills for his treatment and hospitalizations were already decimating the couple’s savings. With a lawyer’s advice, Ann began the spend down process so Jim could qualify for a Medicaid nursing home bed.

Per the rules, she spent half of their remaining savings, down to $50,000, paying for a funeral trust and cemetery markers, a few extra mortgage payments, home improvements and $20,000 worth of health care bills.

She still gets $5,163 a month in income from his retirement fund and their Social Security. But by the time she pays a hefty co-payment to the nursing home, she has just $1,800 left to pay her bills, including a $1,000 mortgage. “I go into my savings real often,” she says.

“It’s not easy, but I’m grateful for what I do have. The things that I do are the things I really love to do” — occasional visits to see her children, church-related conferences and retreats.

Her advice to other caregiver spouses:

• Smile even if it hurts.
• Give yourself a break from visiting the nursing home; take at least two days off a week.
• Join a support group. Ann calls the one she visits at the Carilion Center for Healthy Aging her lifeline.
• Try to plan something the patient can look forward to: “Our son comes and sees him every Sunday and brings him fried chicken. We talk about it every day; that’s the joy of his life.”

Though Jim’s dementia is severe — and he still begs her daily to take him home when she leaves — the minister amazes his wife with the prayers he leads for other nursing home residents. “You’d think he’s known that person for ages. His prayers are perfect.”

Even through the fog of dementia, Jim still frets about her finances, frequently asking her: “Mama, have you got enough money?”

“Yes, honey, I do,” she says, lying because she knows the truth would only upset him. “If he were capable of it, he would be devastated to think that I didn’t have enough to live the way we’d planned.”