Caption These! names of movies by Liberty U’s new film school
This contest ends Wednesday at noon.
Lights! Camera! Action!
Move over UCLA, USC and NYU.
News item:
LYNCHBURG, Va. (Associated Press) — Liberty University plans to offer a four-year film school program beginning in the next academic year.
Liberty officials announced the new program Monday in a news release.
The Center for Cinematic Arts will teach filmmaking skills, business and marketing, and other aspects of the industry such as costume design and makeup. The program will begin with 20 to 40 students.
Chancellor Jerry Falwell Jr. says the decision to create the new program was prompted by interest shown by current School of Communication students.
This has the old brain blazing with possibilities as to cinematic classics that will be emerging from Lynchburg, Va., the Hollywood of the east. Imagine the possibilities for some of the films those LU grads will produce.
That’s your challenge today, folks: Give titles to those future award-winning flicks. Feel free to include the stars who will appear in the movies, and and a brief synopsis of the film, too. Be creative, and above all, funny.
The winner will get his or her choice of a prize from Dan’s Bookshelf.
May 11, 2011 - 9:30 AM
Return to The Witches on Candler’s Mtn. Road
starring Christine O’Donnell, Sarah Palin, Michele Bachmann, Glenn
Beck and Donald Trump
The Scarlett Letter 2010
starring John Ensign, Mark Sanford, Newt Gingrich, and John Edwards
Apocalypse When?
The captivating story of an ultra-conservative military officer who becomes obsessed with worry about being left behind. Hoping to speed up Judgement Day, he and his crew of intrepid commandos commandeer Apache attack helicopters (cue “Flight of the Bumblebee”) and head off for the target rich environs of the Middle East.
Starring Kirk Cameron as Colonel I.M. Rising–”I love the smell of fresh Napalmolive when I wash dishes in the morning.”
With Mel Gibson as Bill White, the neighborhood anti-semite.
Says film critic Roger Ebert: “I laughed. I cried. I went to sleep when I watched this movie.”
Rated R for “rapture.”
Opens Saturday, May 21, 2011 at The Grandin Theater (if we’re still here, that is!).
“Gone With the Rapture”…first came to mind…After Scarlett has a child with a returning veteran and her return to Tara, her great-great grandchildren continue to dress up as Civil War reenactors and long for the good old days as they dwell in South Carolina. As “Tea Party” members, and aging, they hold out the last hopes that the rapture will occur soon and save their way of life, as they believe the kingdom that is established will closely resemble the ways in which their progenitor lived.
Davis
Outraged over the new movie on Lincoln being filmed on Confederate soil, the new film school at Liberty U has announced their attempt to tell the true story of the War of Northern Agression through the eyes of Jeffeson Davis.
Starring Morgan Griffith as the dapper CSA President and Ken Cuccinelli as his faithful chef and housekeeper Hop Sing.
According to Confederate activist Jack/Tony/whatever his name is: “Now we have the real story behind the mass murderer that was Lincoln and the essential fact that the war was never about slavery. We’ll uncover the truth faster than you can say ‘Simon Legree.’”
Rated D for “denial.”
Sorry, should be “Jefferson”
More about the new movie on Lincoln, which is being partly filmed in Virginia, in Sunday’s column.
#5 That was just plain funny there. As to the film, its gonna be some very long days.
Penetrating the Hyphen
A nervy new documentary by the LU film school that delves into the reasons why uppity liberal women either hyphenate or do not take their husbands’ last name. This exciting new work exposes the many myths behind these self-proclaimed professional women who are afraid to accept their God-given roles to walk around barefoot and pregnant in their own kitchens.
Misogynist Today calls Penetrating: “Compelling…clever…a must see!”
Home Schooling for Moms declares it: “A cinematic triumph…it ranks with other great faith-based doc-u-dramas like ‘It Was Eve’s Fault.’”
Scuzzy Uncovered
Staring Jesse Ventura as Scuzzy
and
Duane ‘Dog’ Chapman as Dublin Dog
The incredible story of the hunt, the struggle, and the redemption — which has catapulted Dublin Dog into the hearts of millions and spun off a #1 rated television show.
This revealing, yet heartwarming, story begins when “Dog” sets out in search of the true identity of his idol, Scuzzy.
The dramatics and effects rival and combine that of the Indiana Jones series and of CE3K.
The tenderness equals that of Clan of the Cave Bear.
The surprise ending will challenge your view of reality!
The Taking of Falwell 1 2 3
The mostly true story of the founding father of Liberty University and the struggle he had for god and country. Including new breath taking speculation of his sudden and untimely demise.
Falwell from the film: “The idea that religion and politics don’t mix was invented by the Devil to keep Christians from running their own country.”
The moral majority master muscled republican candidates to further Falwell’s vision of his New World Order:
“If all the fundamentalists knew who to vote for and did it together,” Jerry Falwell proclaimed in 1979, “we could elect anybody. If every one of these people could be intelligently taught and mobilized, brother, we could turn this nation upside down for God!”
Jerry battled the devil, gays, government, the ACLU, Women’s right to choose, and yes, even Billy Grahm. “Billy Graham is the chief servant of Satan in America.” Said Falwell.
Falwell never quit working for his god. In fact, on the day his god called his faithful servant home, Falwell was still at his desk, firing off directives to further his mission to rid the world of all he stood against.
Satisfied with his work, God tapped him on the shoulder and whispered in his ear “That’ll do Jerry” And just that quick, 1 2 3.
THE END
http://politicalhumor.about.com/od/stupidquotes/a/falwellquotes.htm
http://www.csmonitor.com/2000/0323/p20s1.html
Dave H sounds like another one of those unmarried liberal old “men”. You can tell them because of the way they talk to women. Single for a reason.
You know, I don’t appreciate the subject of this thread. It’s ridiculing students of a particular religion. Since when do we do that here?
Would you have a similar contest imagining what kind of film graduates of a Muslim school might produce? How about a thread where we imagine what the grads of Hampton or Howard might produce? Who gets to play Buckwheat?
But no, you famously tolerant leftwingers consider only fundamentalist Christians fair game.
Morris, I am very surprised you would participate in such a thing. Do you think your Baptist preacher friends would find your ridiculing comments funny? How about their congregations?
DaveH is married, but Suzie won’t believe that until she has a judge look at his marriage certificate.
Nag, nag, nag.
“Morris, I am very surprised you would participate in such a thing. Do you think your Baptist preacher friends would find your ridiculing comments funny? How about their congregations?”
I’m sure Morris has enough good sense to discern between Baptist preachers who lack a sense of humor and Baptist preachers who don’t, and mostly make friends with the latter. He understands the important personality trait of being able to laugh at oneself.
Not that we expect you to be able to understand that, Suzie.
“You know, I don’t appreciate the subject of this thread. It’s ridiculing students of a particular religion. Since when do we do that here?”
Says the man/woman who calls people “retards”.
you don’t get to complain about content when you generate the majority of the negative content. now sit down and use your ignore button if you dont like the topic.
Dan,
You are ridiculing these graduates because of their religious beliefs. That’s not right.
He understands the important personality trait of being able to laugh at oneself.
Morris isn’t laughing at ‘himself’. He’s joining in making fun of Baptists.
I suggest we make a copy of his post here and circulate among the churches in his area and in the newspaper. Let’s see if the religious community would find this line funny coming from a Methodist pastor.
these self-proclaimed professional women who are afraid to accept their God-given roles to walk around barefoot and pregnant in their own kitchens.
Oh Suzie, all the arguments of whether you’re fake or real, troll or avid, opinionated, sticks-to-her-guns reader aside, I hope you don’t believe that Liberty is full of Baptists. Most of the school consists of student athletes who didn’t have the grades to go anywhere else, teenagers forced to go there by parents who believe they still believe in the religion of their childhood, and students who got a scholarship, so they’re just playing the part. Shoot, most don’t even play the part, they just take the demerits and fines and shrug it off.
Yeah, there are some people there who are baptist and religious and there because they feel it is God’s calling for them, but they are the minority.
Typical, threatening and attacking someone NOT hiding and attacking from the safety of anonymity like you do. You have ruined this blog!
Re: #14
DaveH is married, but Suzie won’t believe that until she has a judge look at his marriage certificate.
———-
Yup!
Going on 47 years.
My wonderful wife, kids, grand-kids, great-grand-kids, the Church, the IRS, the insurance companies, etc all believe.
That’s good enough for me.
Hey people let’s figure out what zany stuff those crazy black grads at Hampton U. might come up with. Maybe something to do with rolling a watermelon down the street. LOL. Or how about stealing stuff from a vendor then running from the cops. Oh, LOL. Or maybe robbing a KFC of fried chicken as well as money to buy crack and taking off in their stolen tinted-window car. LOLOLOL. The possibilities are endless with those colored folks.
Is this funny, people? How do you like your own medicine. Dan would say these blacks just need to laugh at themselves.
Another thread hijacking by troll. But it is amusing to see her pouting about somebody else insulting a group of people.
“Suzie Gets her feelings hurt”
Staring RuPaul as “Suzie”
Says RuPaul on getting into character for the role of Suzie:
“Playin Suzie comes natural for me. The gurl is a true freedom fighter when it comes to cutting the PC baloney and coming out for what’s right in america.
She’s a true Queen who refuses to be eliminated. She’s the pater familia with big ones, yet sensitive beyond belief. When her friend Bill White was ridiculed, who came to his aid? You got it, Suzie. I tell you the gurl makes me want to wear something plastic and crack a whip if you get my drift sugar. She’s a one off for sure.
Angels and Demons, The Sequel
Another satanic plot hatched by a super secret organization within the Catholic Church is discovered and exposed through the efforts of the
scholar Richard Langston (played by Richard Dreyfuss). He is aided in his
search by the superhero Baptist Minister Jewrry Falnut (Mel Gibson) who
has spent his entire life attempting to warn the world of the evils
being perpetrated by the Catholic Church, the Jews, and the Democrats.
#22 Ignore the troll folks. Don’t let it hijack another thread. Besides, do you REALLY want to argue with somebody who believes it’s equally OK to use “retard” and “developmentally challenged.” Of course, you don’t, you’ll need a shower after you’re done.
Morel Majority
Comedy: A religious college led by a morality espousing fundamentalist preacher (Danny DeVito) has been unknowingly been built built over a huge, 900-acre mycelium, which begins massive fruiting giant morel mushrooms one April. When the students learn they can sell these shrooms for $55/lb, (fresh), or $35/oz (dried) they desert classes and begin harvesting them and selling them. The preacher’s daughter, (Courtney Love) persuades her dad to turn his Old-Time Gospel House into a marketing vehicle for the fungi and the dollars begin rolling in. The school changes its name to Shroom U, and soon its campus is full of hippies, which forces administrators to turn it into an online university.
# 27 = a winner!
Wait a minute. Can Dan win?
I can’t win … but I can play.
So I guess we’ve given up trying to keep these contest threads clear of other stuff.
Re: #10
********** NEWS BREAK **********
Lynchwood Studios announces a major role change.
After reviewing the initial rushes Director Pu declared that Jesse Ventura, as Scuzzy, was just too scary — particularly in the scene with the bumbershoot. He also felt that Duane ‘Dog’ Chapman was far too week for the role of Dublin Dog.
In a stroke of genius, Director Pu convinced Producer Ben Trumpted to sue Duane ‘Dog’ Chapman for failure to meet expectations.
A comprise was brokered by no less than the skillful, sensitive arbitrate Bill White, Chapman and Ventura agreed switch roles — another win for harassment litigation.
Duane ‘Dog’ Chapman, as Scuzzy, will bring more sensitivity and compassion to the role
and
Jesse Ventura’ political astuteness and strength will enhance the role of Dublin Dog.
I really wish we could/would keep all the threads (for which Dan’s OP is a given topic) on that topic.
There are regular OPEN threads for all the rest of the stuff.
You’re right DaveH.
With next week’s contest, I’ll announce a ban on off-topic posts on the contest threads. If people want to criticize the contests, they’re free to do that on the open threads, or they can create their own blogs and do it.
#33 Dan,
Bravo.
Dave H is whining about going off-topic, then his ‘scenario’ includes insults about me and Dublin Dawg, two people who have absolutely nothing to do with Liberty University or its film school.
So tell us who the hell is going “off topic”?
But this thread is so blatantlly offensive to one particular religion and it’s practitioners, that it needs to be called out on this thread, and anybody who participates has NO right to ever comment on anything “offensive” again.
Actually you could probably just ban Suzie from the contest threads and accomplish the same purpose!
“it’s” is correct when and only when it is a conjunctive for “it is.”
dave,
I’m exceedingly reluctant to ban. I’ve done it — and not only with Jack/Tony — when there have been egregious violations of the already loose standards I impose on this blog. Suzie actually entered the last contest thread, so banning her from contest threads would have impinged on the contest.
If she or anyone else wants to complain about the contests, the place to do it is on the open threads, which run almost every day.
Dan
I realize that’s your policy and my comment was somewhat tongue-in-cheek
in that Suzie is the most frequent violator of thread topics, particularly
on contests. Needed the sarcasm font again this time!
Not Too Old Yeller
Set in ancient times, 10,000 years ago, this touching and emotional story follows the relationship between a stone age boy and the gentle velociraptor who mysteriously and stubbornly insists on interacting with the boy’s family. Though reluctant to embrace the beast at first, the young boy, Uriah, finds the spunky therapod an intelligent partner in the quest for food and in the never ending task of protecting the vulnerable cave family. Together, they make a formidable team. But all is threatened when the dark specter of sin changes changes the dynamics of animal and human interaction.
Starring: Ken Ham as both the voice of god and Burly, the cave mouse.
Ray Comfort as the voice of Zebulon, the velociraptor
Benny Hinn as the shaman sorcerer
And making his screen film debut, this little dude as Uriah:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6MUVNuD3MiU&feature=player_embedded
This movie is rated little “s” for sin. Not really bad sins though, mostly eating shellfish and mixing different kinds of fabric, In the end God’s message is more powerful than the witness of such abominations.
The EastHill Cemetery Conspiracy
A horror story concerning the reincarnation of a corpse from the cemetery who was killed in a SWVA coal mining accident in the 1880′s and has come back to wreak revenge upon the area responsible for his death.
The main character Hannibal Griffith, played by Anthony Hopkins seeks to insert himself into the political life of the region inorder to gain power over legislation and use it to poisn the area’s water and air, thus making it uninhabitable. Hints about his purpose including an unhealthy obsession with the cemetery (even including getting married there) are ignored by the people of the area who are fooled by an expensive secret
advertising campaign financed by the gas, coal, and oil interests. The supreme irony of the story is that those financing Hannibal’s career are
actually paying to destroy themselves. Supporting roles are played by Woody Harrelson as Bobby Goodlad, Griffith’s political mentor: Herve
Villechaize as Robby Macdonald, the state’s governor who backs Hannibal to further his own political ambitions; and Donald Trump as the head of the ATU, the secret fundraising group that is financing Hannibal’s
career.Rated R due to the extreme graphic nature of the scenes of people
dying from the efffects of the poisoned water or gasping for breath from
lack of oxygen in the atmosphere.
i see Morris Fleisher is duly chastened after I had to call him out for his bigoted comments about Baptists in the Liberty U. thread. He has been quiet as the proverbial church mouse. I think he knows that, as a minister, he stepped over the line when he made hateful disparaging comments about Baptist women, comments that would surely upset the good people of his community if they were made public down there.
I notice also that so-called contest has basically been come to a standstill since I was forced to upbraid Dan, pretty much other than Dave’s drunken 2am entry. Glad I could do my part! I normally am pretty good at letting things go, and not interfering with blog fun, but on this I couldn’t remain silent. Leftwingers who have seen my objections and heeded them are to be commended. Predictably, there will be a few losers who will respond to the contest in response to this post, but we will know why they are doing so, and disregard them. The fact that the contest has gone 48 hours with almost no response has basically made my case. What happens further is irrelevant.
Let’s hope Mr. Fleisher has learned an important lesson, and perhaps Dan has learned it too, that hurtful comments aimed at people because of their Christian religion are never funny and never appropriate
The blog posts for future contests will include a note that I’m going to trash any comments on those threads that aren’t entries in the contest. Anybody will be able to make any criticism they want about the contest on the open threads.
A remake of the classic “Thunder Road” starring Jerry Falwell Jr as the speed demon former hero running grandaddy’s shine through the hills of old Virginny trying to outrun the “Revenuers” played by Roscoe P “Mike” Brown and Sheriff Ron “Arpaio” Gillespie. Soundtrack by the Liberty University Choir including the wildly popular “Bed Intruder Song”!
“There was moonshine, moonshine, to quench the Devil’s thirst,
the Law they swore they’d get him, but the Devil got him first.”
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0052293/
The blog posts for future contests will include a note that I’m going to trash any comments on those threads that aren’t entries in the contest. Anybody will be able to make any criticism they want about the contest on the open threads.
I guess you can do that because it’s your blog, Dan, but what about the entries like those of Dave H and Cold n P, posts #10 and 24 that have nothing to do with the contest, that are just cheap shots at blog conservatives they don’t like? Those are no different than going off-topic. That’s why banning for something other than clear-cut rules is a slippery slope.
All non-entries in the blog contest threads (not necessarily the finalist or winners threads) will be trashed, no matter who makes them. Those posters are free to make identical comments on the open threads. It’s not so much banning as it is enforcing a rule to keep the contest threads clean/ and not derailed.
If I had the ability (as moderator) to move those comments to other threads I would already have been doing that, long aog. But I’m unable to do it with the setup we have.
Suzie
Dave’s drunken 2A.M. entry. Sorry to disillusion you Suz. But I was never more sober than when writing that entry. As I get older I find that great clarity is often achieved around that time of the morning when the
house is quiet. And thjat is quite unlike your posts, which never seem to achieve clarity about anything, only muddled insane ramblings. And I sincerely hope that Morris returns with yet more entries in this contest
if fotr no other reason than to shut your gaping pie hole once more.
Come on Morris, let’s hear it!
Come on Morris, let’s hear it!
There’s no possible explanation Morris can give other than he screwed up royally and he apologizes.
Suzie,
Just because you come here every day doesn’t mean that Morris does (duh). He checks in most every Friday, but he’s not on here a lot, and is absent from the majority of threads besides the contest ones.
You’re projecting …
So it is OK for YOU to pick on, make fun of and demean a Pastor, but a Pastor cannot joke at all? You are so disturbingly evil it is flat out disgusting. Leave Morris alone! Pick on someone who can feel free to fight back Cruella.
So it is OK for YOU to pick on, make fun of and demean a Pastor, but a Pastor cannot joke at all? You are so disturbingly evil it is flat out disgusting. Leave Morris alone! Pick on someone who can feel free to fight back Cruella.
Sorry, Sandi, but I just don’t find anything funny about ridiculing another Christian religion, and for a pastor to do it is inexcusable. Maybe a bigot like you has no problem with it, but I most certainly do.
Taliban suz,
So it’s okay to ridicule religions as long as they’re not Christian?
I am not interested in what you have a problem with Suzie. As with most psychotics, that can change on a dime and has no bearing. You are not fit to wipe Morris’s shoes and you have no right to be allowed to threaten him or pretend he has committed some major offense. Obviously you spend little time at mixed religious functions; Pastors, deacons and lay clergy joke with and about each others “branch” often, always with a good-natured self deprecating humor that is unique to true servants of God, but sorely missing in the self-labeling pious pretenders like you. You have made fun of the faith of plenty of people here and in politics (not on your “Side” that is) and not in any humorous or joking manner either. It is truly stupid of you to try and pretend such is offensive to you.
“Mad Jerry Beyond the Apocalypse”
Jerry Falwell (Mel Gibson) copes with the end of the world.
The Magnetic Poles have shifted and the North Pole is now over Cuba.
Unsure why he and his devotees were not caught up in the Rapture, Jerry desperately gathers his tiny flock and treks north from Liberty University to Cuba, certain that his prayers for salvation will be answered if Jerry and his intrepid group can make it to Miami and then secure safe passage to Havanna, certain that God has remade the city and has a mansion waiting for them all.
Co-starring Tina Turner as the nemisis Auntie Entity who will make sure Jerry does not complete his journey, This movie will keep you on the edge of your seat. Tanya Tucker surprises with an outstanding performance as Crazy Delta Dawn who walks with Jerry most of the way until she abruptly leaves with a mysterious dark haired man.
SPOILER ALERT: Billy Graham (playing himself) will meet up with and guide Jerry to his final surprise destination.
“The Hamptons save the world”
Professor Dan (Denzel Washington) and PHD Physics candidate Nicole (Halle Berry) Stumble across the secret to cold fusion which will bring unlimited clean and almost free energy and prosperity to the world.
Follow the intrigue and suspense as Dan and Nicole fight Big Oil and the political machine determined to maintain the status quo.
Cheers and tears abound as good triumps over evil and the world is saved from the bonds of economic slavery. Watch as Dan and Nicole find friendship and love in this instant classic tale of good guys finish first.
Here I am again in my drunken stupor induced by the three strong glasses of water I have consumed since 6PM ready to give it another shot.
THE TAMING OF THE BLOG SHREW 2011
This comedic fantasy chronicles the sad life of a nasty, caustic, bitter, and lonely woman who resides in a shabby mobile home on the eastern edge of Roanoke Va. Overwhelmed by the banality of her life,she spends most of
her time belittling and abusing members of a local newspaper blog and inundating the bloggers with bigoted comments and unfounded claims of mental and moral superiority. When the blogmaster accidentally reveals her true identity to one of the bloggers, he sets out to teach her a lesson. As a man of independent means he hires a film crew to follow her and do a secret documentary of her life. The film crew secretly follows her on her daily activities as she visits Walmart, Burger King and the VEC
to collect her unemployment check.The unemployment check results from her having been “laid off” from her job as a cashier at the Golden Corral. (She was actually fired for abusing the customers, referring to them as assclowns, dumbasses, and bastards) The film shows her at each location berating and rudely insulting the clerks and staff who serve her and pretending to be a wealthy influential person who deserves special treatment. Highlights of the film include scenes shot inside her mobile home where a camera hqas been secretly installed . These scenes show her cackling with evil glee every day between noon and 3 while she listens to Rush Limbaugh on her 1990′s boombox and sputtering and cursing at the screen of her ancient PC while blogging. The fantasy begins when the film is released, exploding her life and forcing her to look at herself in
a realistic manner for the first time in years. Her subsequent efforts to reform and her ultimate conversion into a liberal Democrat add a feel good message to the story. Starring Tina Fey as Susanne the film is scheduled for release when pigs fly.
and you have no right to be allowed to threaten him or pretend he has committed some major offense.
Nobody has threatened anybody, you ridiculous old hag except when you threatened Mark.
—–
Pastors, deacons and lay clergy joke with and about each others “branch” often, always with a good-natured self deprecating humor that is unique to true servants of God
Nothing self-deprecating about ridiculing members of another faith in a very stereotypical and hurtful manner. Again, how do you think Morris’ “joke” would be received by the Baptist congregations in his community?
What if he made a similar stereotypical insult about blacks? Would you be so open-minded? No way in hell you would, hypocrite.
Rapture Ready for Freddy
Freddy Philpott is an atheist who runs the “Rapture Ready” Website, which claims that it will settle the personal affairs of individuals who are called to heaven during the Rapture. He considers it useless service, until, one day, hundreds of clients are reported missing and he’s forced to make good on his website’s promises and face the stern reality that he he now lives in the period of the Tribulation. Chaos ensues as he contacts the families of those who are raptured during the trying times of disease, pestilence and supernatural reprisal. All the while, Freddy must reconsider his no belief in the wake of the events around him.
Starring:
Anti Christ: Al Franken
Four Horseman of the Apocalypse: Charlie Sheen, Joaquin Phoenix, Mel Gibson and Lady Gaga
Specter of Death …. played by Kieth Richards..who also plays himself
and,
Pee Wee Herman as Freddy Philpott.
Guest Appearance by Hal Lindsey….. who plays the “I told you so man.”
http://www.raptureready.com/
Opens May 21st.
@56
Bwhahahahaha
Yes, you DID threaten him, and your ridiculous whining and trying to make a mountain out of a tiny molehill is laughable. As I told you in the other thread, you are wrong, confused and pretending a piety you do not deserve to claim. His remarks were harmless fun and yours are disgustingly opportunistic and very telling.
Once more time, people within a community of like minded folk make fun of, tease and kid each other all the time. Clergy and different denominations do it, black people do it, gay people do it, deaf people do it, fat people do it. People WITHIN that group KNOW that the laugh is WITH them not AT them and it is all fine. It is the outsider, who has a malicious intent (like you), that cannot get away with such a joke and for a very obvious reason. The ONLY hypocrite here is YOU!
Re: #53
“Pastors, deacons and lay clergy joke with and about each others “branch” often, always with a good-natured self deprecating humor that is unique to true servants of God, but sorely missing in the self-labeling pious pretenders like you.”
———-
Yup! You got that right. Some such “jokes” are so well established within commonalities that short-hand references develop for them.
Some of the best jokes about any vocation, profession, occupation, ethnic group, gender, etc come from the members of each such group and are generally well appreciated by members of each group.
OTOH, there is light reveled when one “protest too much.”
Suzie’s complaints are just more of the same from a well trod path of a certain majority attempting (and failing) to portray themselves as an aggrieved minority.
They’re pining for victimhood.
@62
Well, you know, she’s always been sooo careful not to say anything offensive about atheists, the least I can do is refrain from ridiculing the particular dogma to which she adheres
This isn’t the same as “An Episcoplian, a Methodist, and Presbyterian appeared before St. Peter at the pearly gates and……fill in the joke. Those truly are light-hearted.
Morris’ joke wasn’t light-hearted. It was a pretty hard dig and the stereotypical and alleged subservient views of Baptists about women.
Dan has to defend Morris, because to not do so it to admit this thread showed incredibly poor judgment. Apparently even a lot of libs agree with me — libs who participate in every other contest have stayed away. And again, that’s to their credit. I notice only men joined in this one. The Crazy Bag Lady’s doesn’t count. She only entered in response to my post.
Four days into it, and there is next to nothing here. Poor Dan had to enter to prop the thing up. Why not just admit you screwed up, Dan, cancel this thing, and move on?
No, Dan will dig in, extend the deadline, try to gin up business, and dig deeper in hypocrisy.
“LU WINS”
Set in 2084, A world not recognizable to anyone born before 2020. The world is at peace, albiet one of a stoic, head down, make no waves interaction between the Neocon Oligarchy established after the sharp and devastating energy wars between the US, EU, CHINA and INDIA between 2032 and 2033.
President Faux (Christian Bale) unleashes nuclear retribution after China closes the Panama Canal after the enery bubble of 2032. Bejing is simply obliterated (Brief cameo by Jackie Chan) into a smoking hole and India responds by moving troops into Pakistan and securing all nuclear weapons. Indian president Ishtar Patel (Omar Shariff) Is crowned by Pope John Paul Innocent Xlll(James Gandofini) as defender of the people. The combined military of the EU and US commanded by General Chocon (Chuck Norris) is concentrated on keeping Call Centers open in Mubia so WOW customers will not notice any reduction in game play experience.
With all trading lanes secure and energy sources locked down, president Faux delivers the most important proclamation of the 21 century.
Quote: “Thoughtcrime does not entail death: thoughtcrime is death.”
Proclaimed president for life, Faux (Christian Bale) Sets out to simplify the world educational system. Over the next 40 years, a naturally, scientifically, enhanced president eradicates all dissenting educational institutions, benchmarking the LU online university experience as the only approved World Educational Nominal Cadre of Hegemony, otherwise known as WENCH.
No hero’s in this tale, this is the sad tale of our future. Sealed with a kiss shared between Pelosi and Trump in 2012, the true beginnings of the end of life as we know it in our time.
;;;sarcasm font off;;;
#64 Suzie said “…try to gin up business, and dig deeper in hypocrisy.”
Wow, the same thing you do every day.
#64 No deadline extension, suze. Wrong again.
BLUEridge VELVET: Starring Jerry Falwell and the Moral Majority Players as the deranged cult with an obsession for controlling the minds and behavior of those in an apparently idyllic suburban town. We are plunged into the depths of religious ferocity, political intrigue and machinations for money that would make Gordon Gekko blush. You will see how God’s wrath can be called down upon those unbelievers in Pulaski and Halifax with no FEMA in sight to save them. Young Bob McDonnell soon discovers a sinister underworld that will give him fame, fortune and a shot at the White House for only the price of his dignity, integrity and soul.
Rated PG-MA – not for immature or easily influenced audiences
Soundtrack by: Bobby Vinton
Sandi,
Does BLUEridge Velvet star Dennis Hopper as the Rev. Jerry Falwell?
I would pay to see that!
LOL, he COULD have pulled it off, beyond doubt.
Hopper playing Falwell would = Academy Award Nomination.
Anybody remember who played Falwell in “The People vs. Larry Flynt”?
Richard Paul (I looked it up) played Falwell. Paul died on Christmas day 1998 and the age of 58.
“SEE, TOLD YOU SO”
The epic documentary starring the late Rev. Falwell as himself via many of his best known video clips. Screenplay taken from that sharp two edged sword better known as THE WORD OF GOD.
Narrated by his son, this tribute will be filmed and stored away in a vault to be opened by those left behind at the rapture. The intention being to help those who realize the terrible error they have made and to help strengthen them to take a stand for rightousness against the anti -christ even to the point of watching their families being beheaded in front of their eyes.
2 Timothy 4: “2 Preach the Word; be prepared in season and out of season; correct, rebuke and encourage–with great patience and careful instruction. 3 For the time will come when men will not put up with sound doctrine. Instead, to suit their own desires, they will gather around them a great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear. 4 They will turn their ears away from the truth and turn aside to myths.”
Has this contest ended or does it end next Wed?
The contest ended at noon today.
They’d better get going on that will…it’s next weekend.
shortist contest in the history of dan’s blog. o well, i’ve seen the bookshelf list.
could be kristen, are you ready?
Will the first post was on May 6, why is that such a short contest to you?
Yeah will. It’s only been going on since Friday (which is the normal amount of time for Dan’s contests). The last one was extended for a week
because Dan was on vacation.
We’ll have another contest launching Friday. It’s a little bit different, and wide open. It could be fun. . .
Better send will an engraved invitation since he can’t seem to keep up
otherwise.
sorry folks i was going by the date at the top of this post which obviously was a repost announcing the end of the contest. i am too busy making a living to keep up with the blog sometimes.
some of you guys remind me of a cat – ready to pounce on anyone who doesn’t share your world view. calm down, it’ll be ok ear muff dude.
by the way Dan, an engraved invite would be nice. But how about next contest i win, i give you the choice of a book from my bookshelf.
yeah Dan
I’m sure you could use a copy of
The Evils of the Muslim World
or
The Stripper’s Book of Sarah Palin
or
Christianity for Dummies
or
The Complete Philosophy of Glenn Beck
Dave, ear muff dude – your muffs must be too tight. actually I was thinking more along the lines of Six Hours One Friday by Max Lucado. Or This Present Darkness, or maybe Fear by Micheal Creighton. Or maybe
Letters and Papers from Prison by Dietrich Bonhoeffer the biography.
Or even Strength For the Journey, Jerry Falwell’s biography. how about Thomas Jefferson’s biography or the Federalist Papers.
Perhaps even My Utmost For His Highest by Oswald Chambers.
By the way, I do have Broke and Common Sense by Glenn Beck if Dan happens to choose one of those.
What’s on your shelf Dave? “Das Kapital”?
Yeah Will. You come through loud and clear on my headphones! If you were trying to impress me with your booklist, I currently have about 1000 on my shelf, many too many to detail here. But your post was a clear implication that the books on Dan’s Bookshelf were unworthy of reading because they might not align with your views on christianity or politics.
So I just made up a few titles that would seem to be wholly consistent with the views expressed in your posts here. Clearly if you have read the ones mentioned on your list above, somwe of them had no influence
whatsoever on your comprehension of any ideas that don’t conform to your own dogma.
Will, do you think it possible that your statement about some of us being “cats” “ready to pounce on anyone who doesn’t share your world view” could be seen as hypocritical when that is all you come in here to do? The posts you make are always insulting people who think or feel differently than you do as well.
No one makes you come to a blog of someone you disdain, with people you do not enjoy talking with do they?
I currently have about 1000 on my shelf, many too many to detail here.
Some titles:
Archie & Me
Betty and Veronica
Jughead’s Jokes
Sabrina the Teenage Witch
Josie and the Pussycats
Sandi, will does not view me with disdain. I’m sure that, at least in certain respects, will admires me. Why else would he come here?
(will, thank you for reading this blog and posting to it).
Suzie@7:30
Sounds like to me that you are the one who is super familiar with those titles? Is that what they sell in the cvanteen at your trailer park?
Dan I do respect you and definitely do not view you with disdain. I think your blog is very interesting and informative. I do not mean to insult anyone and do not think that I have.
Prove me different Sandi.
Dave and Sandi for some reason you are always trying to label me as intolerant to other views while trying to insult me with ridiculous post like the book title thing dave posted. Sandi, you did nothing but prove my point about “being ready to pounce” by your response. Do you not realize that you only show your own intolerance by labeling other intolerant? The very insinuations many of the responses to this contest contain concerning LU and the late Rev. Falwell exemplify intolerance to the Nth degree IMHO.
FYI folks I have viewed Dan’s bookshelf and actually won a contest here, picked a book and read it. I did have a hard time choosing because some of the titles I have already read and yes, some of the titles I have no interest in reading and yes, my comment was meant to be a “I’ve read one of yours, now read one of mine” jab at Dan. It had nothing to do with you o learned ear muff dude. (oh, oh – here I go with the intolerant insults again). BTW – what I said to Dan about an engraved invitation was tongue in cheek humor that i am sure he took that way.
Dan The offer to exchange books next time I win a contest still stands.
Peace, Hope, and Love ya’ll
See, everybody? Dan awards prizes to conservatives, too!
“I do not mean to insult anyone and do not think that I have”
“Dave, ear muff dude – your muffs must be too tight”
“calm down, it’ll be ok ear muff dude”
“It had nothing to do with you o learned ear muff dude.”
PROVEN! And I did not even have to leave this thread to do it. Are you going to argue that “ear muff dude” is an endearment and not an insult now?
just giving dave a taste of his own medicine Sandi. What has that got to do with you. I think he can handle himself without you coming to his rescue. However, I apologized to Dave on Dan’s “I’m in” thread and pledge to do my best to refrain from such childishness in the future. I suggest you do the same.
peace
will
Your comments and philsophy are fair game. Yes I’ve used sarcasm in chaaracterizing some of them as you have mine. But you might want to show me where I’ve called you anything but will on this thread or this blog.
I don’t want to try to look that up. I guess i was looking at it as one sarcastic remark deserves another. As I said before I apologize for the personal insult about your headphones. I like Dan’s suggestion about trying to elevate the conversation on this blog beyond the insults. I did take it personal (although I try to have thick skin here, being the voice of one crying out in the desert I need it) when you insinuate the things you did with your book title comment among others. I think I would say to you as I said to Sandi, “I apologize for the personal insult and pledge to do my best to refrain from such childishness in the future”. I would hope we all will do the same”.
By the way, truth be known, I think you look quite dapper in your earphones.
Peace