Note: I had a strange dream in which the Mafia was advising the Giles County School Board in the lawsuit over the 10 Commandments brought by a student and parent who wish to remain anonymous.
From: Your goodfellas
To: The Giles County School Board
Subject: Da rat fink student who hauled your butts into court
Yo, Giles School Board members,
These pencil-necked schmucks at the ACLU, we got’em by the you-know-whats this time.
If them bozos think they can haul us into court, trying to get the Ten Commandments removed from our schools, they gottanutha thing coming.
So we all understand how we got here, here’s a little background. Because it’s easy to fuggedaboudit.
Back in 2010, when them nuts in the Freedom from Religion Foundation first began acting up about the First Amendment, youse school board members threw in the towel and took down the commandments.
We’re not bustin’ your you-know-whats or anything. That’s just facts. Youse folded faster than a tent revival preacher caught with a spinster schoolmarm. En flagrante delicto, they say in the old country.
Next, the churches and preachers got all up in arms, and the parents, too. They hammered the board to bring back the commandments.
The board did that, with the ruse that the commandments were a historical document important to the foundations of this country. Along with a bunch of other musty old papers like the Magna Carta.
So it’s history, see. Whaddaya know?
Then, we all crossed our fingers and hoped the ACLU and the Freedom from Religion Foundation would fall for da scam.
Well, you know what? Didn’t happen. They’re smarter than that. Now we’re in federal court. Before Judge Chewbanski, whatever. He’s younger and greener, see? Not like them other old geezer judges.
Problem is, we ain’t gotta case. The Supreme Court rulings on the First Amendment are pretty clear. They’ve already pretty much deep-sixed any argument we could make. Chewbanski’s no dummy.
Youse see, if the schools hadda just not axed the commandments to begin with, and just shut up and changed the displays to include other historical documents, everything probably woulda been copacetic.
That kinda thing is defensible. There’s rulings and all that support it. Capiche?
But now, the cat’s outta the bag. Everybody and their dead grandma knows the other historical documents were a smokescreen to get the commandments back up.
And the courts, they don’t like that kind of funny stuff. They’ve dumped other cases like that.
But don’t you worry ’bout this, because we got one more trick up our sleeve.
See, these plaintiffs, they’re anonymous – John Doe, Jane Doe. Whoever, whatever.
And they wanna stay anonymous. Mom and pop don’t want young junior Doe to get the you-know-what kicked out of him by the other students, if they knew he was da bum who sued. .
So what we do is, we force the court to reveal their names. It’s the most beauty-full strategy in the world.
And you know why?
Because we don’t have to put our loser of a case on trial.
See, the kid will get scared. Mom and pop, too. They don’t want their names out there, or junior gets tuned up at school, or mocked, or made fun of, day after day.
What mudda would subject her kid to such ridicule, scorn, and harassment?
So they drop the case rather than have their names get out.
And then, all our problems are over.
The commandments stay up in schools. The kid who sued clams up. The media goes away. The ACLU mouthpiece heads back to Richmond. Those kooks in the Freedom from Religion Foundation leave, too.
The whole thing blows over quicker than ice cream melts on a hunerd-degree day in Brooklyn. And you board members don’t have to pay no attorney fees to the ACLU because it was the plaintiffs who chickened out.
Problem solved. Everyone’s happy. A beauty-full thing, right?
We call this “The Soprano Strategy.” But instead of witness intimidation, it’s plaintiff intimidation.
Intimidation, schmintimidation. Who cares? We win. That’s what’s important.
Tony Soprano, hah, what a guy.