Caption This! moment of truth for Gov. Bob McDonnell
From Opportunity Virginia PAC
It’s a little hard to tell whether Virginia Gov. Bob McDonnell felt chagrin or relief the instant that he learned he was getting passed over as Mitt Romney’s pick for the vice-presidential sport on the GOP’s national ticket.
Perhaps this was the moment. Look at Gov. Bob’s grimace. So let’s imagine, shall we?
What did the Mittster say, by way of explanation?
What was Rep. Paul Ryan thinking with that cuppa joe in his hand?
Most importantly, what was going through Gov. Bob’s mind?
Order your guesses as Romney-Ryan-McDonnell, like this example below the fold:ROMNEY: “The sad truth is, Bob, you’re simply too small-statured to run on a national ticket. You’re shorter than George Costanza, for Pete’s sake. And your whole career has been in government. And by the way, you sound like a longshoreman from South Baltimore with every syllable that you utter. And you’re not wearing a white shirt! Bain Capital wouldn’t hire you — you think I’d pick YOU for a national ticket?”
RYAN: “I got no gray! I got no gray! That’s why I got the slot! Plus I’m tall! Yes, I’m tall! And I love Ayn!”
MCDONNELL: “Longshoreman? Whoa! I’m gondowneeoshun. I hope you lose, mofo, but I’ll never say that because if you win I want to appoint me to something, anything, please!”
Make them funny, or mean, or sarcastic, or all three, whatever. The best will win a volume from Dan’s Bookshelf. The contest ends Friday at noon.
August 16, 2012 - 10:15 AM
Romney: Sorry bro, “Trans-vaginal Ultrasounds” don’t poll as well as “A Roadmap for America’s Future”. I just have to hope people won’t try to read the damn roadmap (because between you and me… it leads us right off a cliff)
Ryan: Ok Paul, just put on a consoling face and stare into your coffee… Make it look like you care. This will be good practice for the campaign…. Wait, what did he just say about my plan?
McDonnell: Well, there went that plan… Now I just have to hope Mark Warner runs for Governor again so I can try to slide into the senate. I’ve gotta try and stay relevant somehow.
Chambless Vacation – 1977
Much like the vacation that the Casey’s recently had, we had a similar experience. While it was more short lived, we had the following events take place. Upon arriving at Washington National Airport, we went to the Hertz’s Rent A Car Counter and secured a car that did not seem to be up to par. However, we were told we would have to wait a long time for another one since it was late.
The next day we drove to the Mall where we had our first encounter with a lack of performing car. Later in the evening when we were returning to our hotel, the car’s lights would not dim and a man threatened to run us off the road. After which I turned on to a side street in DC. This was the wrong thing to do and could have been much worse.
The next day we planned to go on Skyline Drive to see the Virginia Mountains. We were having a good time until the car broke down. Since there was little traffic, we sat for a couple of hours before a Ranger came by and called for help. We thought our troubles were over. However, we wanted to go back to Front Royal but the wreaker was from Luray because they had a rotating service and we had to take what we got. Well, we ended up at Johnny’s place and Hertz was not a big help and it got into the late afternoon – some six hours later than ehen we broke down.
Hertz finally told us they could not get a car to us so we would have to go South to Weyers Cove Airport. We were put in a cab (that we had to pay for) and arrived just as the place was closing. The car we were given had problems and could not really go very fast. It had been since early morning that we had eaten and we got to Woodstock, Va. and stopped to eat at a McDonalds.
We had just ordered our food around 9:30 PM when in walked a dozen or so Hells Angels. We ate quickly and got on our way to the hotel. When we got to the Hotel, there was a message that we had to be at the airport in a few hours because our original flight had been cancelled. So we, packed and went to the airport and returned the Hertz Rental Car.
This is when I really lost it, the Hertz employee wanted to charge me a drop off fee because we had to have a replacement. A supervisor finally was summoned and we did not have to pay a drop off fee for the original car but now they wanted one for the replacement car. We called Hertz and finally we were allowed to leave without paying for more than the original car.
I still do not use Hertz and felt this was a good chance to repeat this story.
Romney: … Bob.. its not you, its me ….
Ryan: ………….
McDonnell: Always a bridesmaid, never the bride
Mofo? Real classy… So sad Mr. Dan, you generally stay above this. Please keep it clean.
ROMNEY: Sorry, Bob. You’re just not self-actualized enough to be VP.
RYAN: I thought panties came with Starbucks coffee.
MCDONNELL: Yeah, well, you, Ryan, and Ayn Rand can all bite my wienermobile.
Exactly, Sam. Dan pretty much insulting every single mother on earth with that comment.
Romney: “Bob and Bill, you have to look at this from my perspective. But, I take care of my friends”.
Ryan: …A spoon full of sugar…
McDonnell: …I’m a good soldier…
Mitt: Bob I don’t know how to tell you this but I’ve picked Ryan to be the next President of the…..damn it I mean Vice President! I’ve got to learn to get that right.
Ryan: What the Mittster is trying to say Bob is that it’s all about my abs baby, P90X and the female vote. See Bob women like me, I was voted one of the hottest on the Hill and my state didn’t have that thing in the news.
Bob: Ok just hold on a minute Ryan! Chicks dig me too check out my sweety here.
Mitt: Bob I’m going to give it to you straight. Ryan’s budget is way better than mine and he looks better than you without his shirt. Add that up and you just come out…… short.
Ryan: (slight chuckle and begins to stare at his coffee)
Mitt: Come on Bob we need your support but this is about winning and you are just not a winner. Just ask Virginia.
Romney “Bob, I am picking Paul as VP”
Ryan “but remember Bob, there will be a place in our administration”
McD “ok guys… but I get to keep my girl, right?
Romney: Sorry Bob you missed the call from my son – but you’re out and Paul is in – the next President of the Un…I mean Vice President of the United States.
Ryan: My vehicle is parked outside if you need a ride home, Bob…
McDonnell: You mean that WeinerMobile? Well okay, but is it a WeinerMobile for two? [leaves humming, ♫Oh I’d Love To Be an Oscar Meyer Weiner...♫]
Bob, we need you in Virginia, Marx Warners Senate seat will be up for grabs as he votes for bills without reading them thereby unrepresenting the citizens of the Commonwealth.
For anyone who missed the DNC memo, Obama made the same “next president” mistake when introducing Biden. (so don’t push that mistake)
Personally I “cringed” when he did it, but I can understand the scenario of running around for months with the “next president of the USA” in one’s head making the mistake.
I might be more worried about Biden running around saying the r’s want to “put you in chains” comment; Really???… (Obama’s first “executive” decision)…lol
Willard: I’m not sure why I didn’t pick you. But I’m not sure about anything. So that means I probably would have picked you. But really there are no differences and well uh, I better quit talking.
Ryan: Am I going to have to slip my hand up the puppet’s arse and speak for him?
Bob: I like tacos.
Romney: “It’s true I picked Ryan, but Bob, there is still hope for you because I am well known for changing my mind. On gun control, Planned Parenthood, abortion rights, global warming, gay marriage, the individual mandate, just for example. Since I was governor of Massachusetts IN 2007, I HAVE DONE A 180 ON ALL OF THOSE!!!! And the convention isn’t for WEEKS! The one thing I’m inflexible on is releasing my tax returns.”
Ryan: “I have no gray! I have no gray! Just like Obama in 08! That’s why I got picked! Yay, Ayn Rand!”
McDonnell: “The Mittster has the spine of a linguine noodle that’s been boiled for 15 minutes. Screw him. I’m gondowneeoshun!”
Rmoney: “Bolling? You mean like, rhymes with polling?”
Bobby: “Yeah, or Coochie, like, rhymes with Il Duce”
Rayn: “Who put this Starbucks cup in my panties?”
Romney: “Biden thinks Danville is in N.C.!!!!
Bob: “Biden thinks Danville is in N.C.!!!!
Ryan: “Biden thinks Danville is in N.C.!!!!
Rmoney: “We’re committed to thoroughly vetting our nominee”
Rayn: “Here’s that sample you asked for, Mr. Romney”
Bobby: “And if it tests positive for caffeine, I’m still available, and still blonde, and still shorter than you, and still pals with Pat Robertson, and…”
Yo Pete – The folks in Danville think they are in NC. Well, the ones that work live in NC. Can you blame them?
Rmoney: “Transvaginal..is that your new state highway bill?”
Rayn: “Why did Bobby smirk when he gave me this funny tasting coffee?”
Bobby: (tunefully):
“Ol’ McDonnell’s boyish charm,
knee high, failed to grow.
Despite my charm I lost the race,
gee, why, I don’t know…
With a Rand Paul here,
and an Ayn Rand there,
Here a Paul, there an Ayn
everywhere a Paul Ryan,
Ol’ McDonnell lost the race,
to join Mitt’s puppet show”.
Rmoney: “Bobby, I assume you’re interested in a position?”
Rayn: “Careful, Bobby, it’s a trick!”
Bobby: “You want me to assume the position?”
Mittster; “Sorry, Bob, but there’s someone else I need to tell you about…”
Bobster; “You mean you’ve been cheating on me? OMG!”
Chedder Bomb; “Another half-wit clinging to his guns and religion…”
I’m voting early for Contrasuzie.
Mitt: “Okay, Ryan, let’s get this straight… FDR did NOT have fireside chats on television, you do NO drunk ‘Villages’ dances for someone with a camera, you NEVER ask someone in a wheelchair to stand up, you NEVER insult Arab-Americans or Sikhs that work in convenience stores, you ALWAYS remember what state you are currently in, and you NEVER EVER tell a large room of African-Americans that someone is trying to put them in chains again. Got it?”
Ryan: “Does he think I’m an idiot like our current vice president?”
Bob: “Hell, I knew all of those things too. What frigging idiot would not know those?”
*Amended contest entry:
ROMNEY: Sorry, Bob. You’re just not self-actualized enough to be VP.
*RYAN (to female): Hey girl, my wienermobile goes trans-vaginal. Knowwhatimsayin’?
MCDONNELL: Yeah, well, you, Ryan, and Ayn Rand can all bite my wienermobile.
Mitt- “typical liberal”tolerance” making fun of someone’s appearence”
Bob – “yea they can’t debate ideas so it’s back to the personal attacks”
Paul-”yea you really did build that. Now we just have to make sure the socialist do not take it from you.”
Mitt – Hey Dan – speaking of changing ones mind, what about homosexual marraige and “if I don’t have this done in three years, then there’s going to be a one-term proposition.”
Bob – Yea and “If you’ve got a business — you didn’t build that. Somebody else made that happen”.Turns into “of course you built that”.
Paul – One thing President Obama DID build, 5.7 trillion dollars onto the national dept.
FORWARD in the wrong direction is a very bad thing.
Contrasuzie:
“Hey girl, my wienermobile goes trans-vaginal. Knowwhatimsayin’?”
Contra, you do remember that Suzie has the self-appointed nickname “girl”, right?
Okay, I’ll play along, but I think Obomba is almost as bad as our national military/corporate mouthpiece…
Romney: “I’m the prettiest Chippendale’s model.”
Ryan: “I’m the prettiest Chippendale’s model.”
McDonnell: “I’m the prettiest Chippendale’s model.”
Or, how about….
Romney: “Sorry Bob, but Ryan’s a bigger dick than you.”
Ryan: “I’m not sure Mitt, I can’t stop staring at Bob’s package.”
McDonnell: “Well Mitt, only if you measure the one attached to his neck.”
Or….
Romney: “We did Wall Street, now we’re courting the sperm bankers.”
Ryan: “Look at the size of the cup I needed.”
McDonnell: “Must have pumped your stomach.”
Romney- Sorry Bob, Paul’s my man.
McDonnell- And I even had this lady grafted to my arm for the campaign.
Ryan- What a great lady graft!
Mitt – “well Bob, we sure love southwest Virginia!”
Bob – yes, Govenor, thank you. the people of southwest Virginia sure have a remarkable effect on libs, in particular the pres and his “you didn’t build that” gaff. Just wait until your hear what biden’s gonna say on Tuesday…
Paul – is biden REALLY going to say, “they’ll put ya’ll back in chains”? I LOVE Virginia!
The only spoken bubble is Mitt’s, the other too bubbles are “thought bubbles”, hence:
Romney: “Bob, I’d like you to meet the next President of the United States. . .”
Ryan: Moron!
McDonnell: Moron!
Romney: “Bob I’ve decided to go with Ryan here for VP.”
Ryan: (To himself)”McDonnell you lucky bastard!”
Bob (To himself)”YES!”
Romney: We left the Cuban in Miami where he belongs.
Ryan: Does my hair look ok. Mmmmmmmm Mmmmmmmmm Juan Valdez, this coffee is DEEEE-Lish-UUUUUUS!
McDonnell: Bling Bling I got a big watch. Does this Blonde make me look younger?
BOB MCDONNEL: What if the citizens of this country have been to dumbed down by our socialist destroyed education system and can’t still discern that the criminal fraud who goes by the current alias of Barrack Obama wants destroy this country and along with the lives of every legal American?
ROMNEY; Showing the citizens of this gteat countty the ttuth is one of the great challenges we face amongst a socialist controlled media who only reports lies and leftwing rhetoric as a means to cover up Obama’s crimes and evil doings.
RYAN: I agree that the people of this country must be told the ugly truth about Obama and his corrupt, American hating regime. If they arr still intelligent enough to discern it as the truth over the massive lies being propagated by the Obama regime and the leftwing media still remains to be seen. Hopefully the people of this great country will wake up to the truth about Obama in time.
Sorry Dan, thats not a grimce, it’s the look of someone paying attention to whats being said. With that, I doubt you have anything on your bookshelf that I would find interesting.
You and your little friends have fun with your game!
^^^^^^^^^^^ Bitter Party of One?
Dave Gresham:
“McDonnell: “Must have pumped your stomach.”
Whew! NO ONE can top that one!
All apologies Contra.
Romney: “I needed someone with black hair to match mine.”
McDonnell: But not another BWG (boring white guy).
Ryan: Besides, the Democrats can’t beat a ticket of a Morman and a Catholic.
Robert A. Garland
dano, maybe you could find a pic of the pres, the vp, and Sec. Clinton having a meeting together…. that might be fun, too!
Romney: “Stop me if you’ve heard this one, two Catholics and Mormon walk into a bar….”
Ryan: (To himself)”Oh brother not this joke again”
McDonnell: (To himself)”I wish his son was here!”
Romney: “You see Bob, you were in when you could deliver Bobby Thompson but now that’s he’s in jail I don’t have any use for you.”
Ryan: (To himself) “I wonder if we can pardon Bobby after we get elected.”
McDonnel: Wait Bobby Thompson’s in jail? When did that happen. Next thing you know Bin Laden will be captured. What? Why’s everyone laughing?”
Rmoney—-Sorry Bob. It’s all about stature and status. Your trees aren’t the right height. You’re not the right height. And for God’s sake Bob , that ridiculous tatoo on your—well you know! I mean SHORTY! How embarrassing!
Rayn—-Yep Bob. Size really matters you know.
Bob— But Mitt! When the time is right that tattoo says Shorty’s Bar and Grill, Chattanooga Tennessee . Just ask Blondie.
Rmoney (gesturing): “If ya think that’s funny, you’re gonna love this one…A Mormon, a Catholic and a Pat Robertson acolyte prepare to go to a convention…”
Booby (excitedly): “Oh I know this one! The Mormon says “…while I was getting dressed today, I noticed something on my underwear that clinched my choice of running mate…”
Rayn (nervously checking the rim of his cup): “Lipstick?”
Romney: “See Bob, to attain high office you’ve got to be flexible. You have to be willing to make 180 degree changes in your positions, within a time span of a few years, on seminal questions like gun control, abortion, gay marriage, global warming and the individual mandate for healthcare — which is BAD by the way. And you just haven’t show me that ability. So I’m afraid you’re just not cut out to be my running mate.”
Ryan: A conservative, a moderate and a liberal walk into a bar, and the bartender says, “What’ll you have, Mitt?”
McDonnell: A conservative, a moderate and a liberal walk into a bar, and the bartender says, “What’ll you have, Mitt?”
Romney .. “Its over Bob..the ship has sailed.”
Ryan .. ” Boss.. wanna see me shoot this cup off his head Robin
Hood style? ”
The Bob .. “But look what I brought for trade…I cant take her back”