Caption This! with an athletic-prowess claim by Paul Ryan
AP Photo | Word bubble by Dan
You know what to do here, folks: Put some words in vice-presidential candidate Paul Ryan’s mouth, reflecting a claim to the most ridiculous athletic feat imaginable.
I’ll go first:
“And let me tell you about the time I whipped both Ali and Frazier . . . with one hand tied behind my back!”
September 7, 2012 - 12:00 PM
I can leap tall buildings in a single bound and stop speeding bullets with one hand. Superman has nothing on me.
Really Tom Brady? I have better hair and I’m a better QB.
The second time I swam from Miami to Havana Harbor as part of a multi-jurisdictional border patrol, an 18-foot shark had been shadowing us for about 10 miles. Finally the shark made it’s move, attacking one of the Navy Seals that was nearby. Without thinking, from pure muscle memory, I reverted to my training in Bruce Lee’s fighting techniques, delivering a single, fatal chop to the shark’s nose. I swam with that shark on my back all the way to Miami where we celebrated by having shark-fin soup!
“Of course, I was for the Obamacare grant after I opposed Obamacare. As you may have noticed, I’m expert political gymnast. I shoulda been in the Olympics!”
I’ve fallen and I can’t get up!
“The only thing that is bigger and faster than me is Joe Biden’s mouth!”
“It is I Don Quixote, the man of La Mancha!!” Tiling at windmills again. Oh! I didn’t mean to say that. It suggests that I support windpower.
I can do more stretching than just with the truth…thanks to my training to become a Yoga master, which I completed after I hiked to Kathmandu from Wisconsin.
I’m afraid that cokehead obama would dominate me on the basketball court.
Joey bet your mouth runs faster then me!
Joey, you left your jock strap hanging in my new bathroom.
Barry you ain’t got no game.
To the tune of “I Feel Pretty” from Westside Story.
I’ve got muscles
Pretty muscles
In my abs and
my arms and
my thighs.
I’m so muscled
That I think I’ll
Just take off and fly!
All those muscles
pretty muscles
they’re so pretty
they fill me
with tears
Just one problem
that’s the void
between my ears!
I’ve got muscles
pretty muscles
And the gals
they all love
my blue eyes
just don’t tell them
all the words that I say
are all lies!
“yes, ladies and gentlemen, according to the main stream media,the best the speech given at the dem convention was by bill clinton! yes, THAT bill clinton! Yes, the same guy who waggled that same finger during his speech the other night as he did at the American people when he infamously said, “i did NOT have sex with that women, Monica ….”! Yes, THAT bill clinton, the one who mentally abused his lovely wife during their entire “marriage”. Yes, the same one who abused his young “intern”… yep”.
Did I ever tell you about my climb of Mt. Everest. Climbed the whole mountain during a blizard in just 8 hours a three minutes. And on the way back down I found two hikers half frozen and lost so I put them on my back and carried them both back down the mountain . For that they gave me the AYN RAND sucker of the year award for not leaving them on the mountain to fend for themselves.
“I hike the Appalachian Trail in 3 weeks. Take that, Mark Sanford!”
Come on, I can take all of you bloggers in running, basketball, swimming, bowling, ping pong, billiards, baseball, volleyball, golf, archery, poker, team handball, lacrosse, soccer, mountain climbing, and Grand Prix.
When I give a high five, it’s more like a high seven.
“Given my mountain climbing prowess, I personally train the Sherpas in their native Nepal.”
One time, I got in a fight with Chuck Norris, and I karate chopped him just like THIS… and all of a sudden he looked up at me, bowed, and said “Master, we have to take out this Enemy of the State or we shall be plunged into 1000 years of darkness!” It was then that I knew I was unstoppable.
With one overhand strike, I became the Wisconsin karate champion.
I’ll make Dan Casey ride a tricycle.
I’ve been doing the p90x program for years. Heck, they’ve called my program the 180turn. I’m so nimble and fit I can run change direction on any surface (or issue) just like that. I think they call it the 180 because I’m twice as fast as anybody ever tested…
What’s that you say? What’s my plan for jobs? Comeon man, I’m just here to enjoy the day. Wait til I’m elected, then we’ll get to work on that wonky stuff.
“On Halloween, Chuck Norris dresses up as ME!”
Dan Casey???…..who??
“See that Romney/Ryan sign back there? I built that…in like, 10 seconds. See this speech balloon on my right? I built that, too, in 1.57 seconds. I did it all with this here, my left hand. I’m awesome.”
“Mitt Romney believes strongly in the 5th Amendment.” “Think about it!!”
2008 Hope and Change
2012 Doom and Dung
I just zipped past Usain Bolt after about 20 meters and never looked back. Now I admit, the concrete shoes I was wearing put a few blisters on my feet.
My bromance Brother, Chuck Norris and I are going to stop Obama and prevent the 1000 years of darkness.
(Well, if that doesn’t work, we are going to take our shirts off and make a martial arts move called “Saving America from a 1000 years of darkness”).
At 10 years old I waded into
the Rock River and swam to Davenport.
Mom tried to get me to stop but I swam on
..the full lentgh of the Mississippi.
I stopped in New Orleans long enough for a
glass of milk, then carried on to Cancun.
But nothing was as satisfying as teaching
Bret Favre the right way to throw a football.
2208 hope and change
2012 hope we change admins cause the one we got stinks
“You think America was shocked when I ran a sub 3 hour marathon? Think they were shocked after I climbed 40 mountains? Wait ‘till you see the expressions on their faces after I’m elected VP and then slip the American people Paul Ryan’s version of the ol’ shocker!”
Damn, another 368,000 people have just had to completely drop out of the job search…Three Hundred Sixty Eight THOUSAND good americans have had to just quit looking for jobs to support thier families…This ECONOMY is DISMAL.
Damn, another 368,000 people have just had to completely drop out of the job search…Three Hundred Sixty Eight THOUSAND good americans have had to just quit looking for jobs to support thier families…This ECONOMY is DISMAL.
Yep, Jeff Doto. And that’s the underhanded little trick 0bama used to crow yesterday that unemployment ‘dropped’ from 8.2 to 8.1%.
“Intervals are for amateurs. Try running a marathon in less than 3 hours up the side of a mountain.”
I’m reposting this one from the other thread:
“And after I ran that marathon in less than 3 hours, I had so much energy left, I made mad, passionate love to my girlfr…er…wife, MORGAN FAIRCHILD! Yeah…yeah…that’s the ticket!”
Lyin’ Ryan-”368,000 folks dropped out of the economy….that reminds me of the time I bench pressed 370 lbs. Dude, I am the man…”
“the Dems were against God before they were for Him”
what A BUNCH OF LOSERS
#37 I’m sure pammalalala can show us where the Dems said they were against God.
Yawn. Crickets. Silence.
“#37 I’m sure pammalalala can show us where the Dems said they were against God.”
Proof: they put him back in the platform.
Not to play blog nanny, but I thought you said caption entries only in the caption contests.
“”pammala says:
“the Dems were against God before they were for Him”
Posted on September 8th, 2012
Ummm…isn’t/wasn’t everybody who now believes in God? Isn’t that the whole point?
Romans 3:23
New King James Version (NKJV)
23 for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God
I’m gonna piggyback on Dan’s post.
“Dan Casey says:
“Of course, I was for the Obamacare grant after I opposed Obamacare. As you may have noticed, I’m expert political gymnast. I shoulda been in the Olympics!”
“I’m the real Flying Squirrel!”
“Sometimes you don’t go left or right. Sometimes you walk that tightrope straight down the middle. Like that time I walked a real tightrope across the Grand Canyon.”
#40 My apologies. I didn’t notice I was on the contest thread. Dan is welcome to remove my former comment.
RYAN: The secret to running the marathon so quickly was getting lighter by having my stomach pumped.
Dave Gresham, that was for you!
Thanks John. Yep, I think Dan owes me a book for that one if he ever catches up on judging these things again. Meanwhile, I’ve got a couple for this contest…
Ryan: “This move is from my Olympic ice dancing routine. I’m teaching it to Mitt and you’ll notice that I lead.”
Ryan: “I was state champion on the uneven bars.”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NZYPcdj_wn4
Sub three hour marathon? Check.
Climbing 40 peaks? No prob.
P90X? It barely makes me sweat.
100 fingertip pushups? Every morning before I even have my Wheaties.
500 crunches? Please…see these washboards abs?
1/8 mile intervals with 15 second rest periods? (Motioning with hand rapidly moving up and own) Dude, no way! I draw the line at that craziness! What, do you think I’m superman or something?