Note from Dan: When we last heard from Christina Dietz of Blue Ridge, she was taking to task Liberty University. This time up, she writes: “I noticed on your blog that most of the issues you’ve been addressing lately are political, so I hope you don’t mind me throwing a change of course your way. It’s mostly just for your amusement (since your blog openly invites us to “vent” to you).” Thank, you, Tina. Enjoy, folks!
By Christina Dietz
November — pre-Thanksgiving — usually solicits requests for what people are most thankful for. Unfortunately, for some of us the actual holiday usually ends up being an all too obvious reality check that our families are NOT a Norman Rockwell painting, which is where the need to keep a sense of humor comes in.
Most of the story you are about to read is true. I sort of compiled the “winner” in the story from stories from other mothers I’ve commiserated with over the years. I wrote it mostly as therapy for myself, because after talking with a few friends I have regained my sense of humor.
But I’m considering sending it into the “Ask Ann Landers” column because the more I talk to other parents, the more I realize many of them have at least child like one of mine, and could use a good laugh and someone to speak their voice.
Hope you had a nice holiday. Feel free to share this with others you run across who need to regroup their own sense of humor.
My Dearest Child,
Thank you so much for another exciting holiday. You’ve certainly given my friends and me plenty to talk about.
The account of your having a snitty fit over my not having the right kind of paint brushes on hand had us weeping with laughter. And I really thought you were a shoe-in for the “Child Who Behaved Most Badly Award” this year when you made the declaration that I single-handedly ruined your every birthday for as long as you can remember. Especially when you had your Dad march your lovely, 33-year-old blubbering face before me and demand that I apologize to you.
I’m not really sure exactly how, or even when, you selected me for the exalted honor of being your happiness guru, but had you asked me about it first I would have told you outright that I can only wish you happiness. I don’t have now, nor have I ever had, the ability to whip up happiness for you or to make you be happy. In fact, I’d always thought happiness was the responsibility of an individual and rose from being appreciative for what you have or receive and from having the ability to recognize and be thankful for your blessings.
But maybe that’s considered just plain old-fashioned now-a-days.
Alas, though, the award went to another daughter this year who, among other gracious acts, threw a hissy fit over her mother not having the “right” shampoo, and who vividly described through the entire festive dinner how the dark meat of a turkey is harmful to your health.
Then when helping clean the table, she took the initiative to throw out all of the turkey leftovers except for the breast meat, which she put dumped all of into a doggy bag for herself, then hastily marched her way out the door while directing the classic epitaph at her mother, “I wish you’d never been born!” I guess in her frenzy it didn’t occur to her that had her mother never been born then she herself would not be around to take such pleasures in saying such things.
So, I guess you will have to try harder next year. Knowing you, I’m sure you are up for the challenge. Keep up the good work — the tales you’ve given me to share through the years have given much comfort to other mothers who flail in their relationships with their children and who find themselves constantly falling short of their children’s unrealistic expectations.
No one asked me what I was most thankful for this Thanksgiving, but after you left I’ve thought about it. This year I am most thankful that you do not yet have any children, or else you would most undoubtedly have found a way to hold me at fault for ruining every single one of their birthdays, too.
Right now, especially since your father is still mad at me, that is truly my biggest blessing.
As always, I love you,