The Post of the Day says ‘Don’t Postpone Joy’
Created by Dan
Long note from Dan: J.M. White, who posts under his own name, put a comment Friday night that struck a nerve in many of this blog’s regulars and in me. It was an answer to a question by Sandi Saunders but also much more. It particularly hit me on Saturday, when Zach and I went out for a bike ride, through Southwest Roanoke’s alleys, on our mountain bikes. Bike riding is one of the chief non-felonious ways I’ve gotten my kicks since I was about 15. And largely I’ve gotten away from that since the advent of this blog (which is bad on me). If I ride (or swim) two hours a day, every day, I’ll be fine both physically and psychologically, and I haven’t been doing that enough lately. So, but I’m going back to that and it will come at the expense of moderating posts here. I’d say “sorry!” but after moderating 185,000 comments I don’t feel that way. Anyway, at one point Saturday Zach and I rode past a car that had a bumper sticker, DON’T POSTPONE JOY, and that’s when the post below clicked. Thank you for that, J.M. White. I’ve edited what follows very lightly, to correct a typo here and a missing word or letter there — and to slightly change the name of the bookstore your bestseller will one day be sold in. (Yours was clever; mine is sexy).
Age is irrelevant, IMO, even when used as a sheath for one’s stiletto of cynicism. 
The answer isn’t so simple, of course. I’ve died twice and been resuscitated; that certainly shapes my perspective somewhat. It’s only a matter of time before my third strike. I’ve accepted and even embraced the fact that one day I’ll stop breathing and cease to function in this mortal coil. When I truly understood that fact, a huge burden was released from me.
Life is meant for joy, Sandi. Every day, I find joy and wonder in simple things – the way the water in the puddle outside my doorstep prisms sunlight at dawn onto the ceiling of the living room – the smell of a waffle on the iron – the nearly electric feeling of the skin of the one with whom you’re in love. We live on a technicolor dreamland of a planet, so why dwell on the darkness when there’s so much to see in the light?
Every single day I’m thankful for how fortunate I have it. I’m still a dirt-poor tradesman, but less than three years ago I was living in a tent. I know what it’s like to go hungry and be cold. I’ve found that very few people do and we take it for granted.
People are going to be idiotic, annoying, appalling and even horrifying. That’s just the way it is. Before they change, they have to want to. I’ve given up on changing the world socially. I’m focusing on changing the world technologically. The point is that whether we like it or not, people are morons and we shouldn’t get angry at morons, we should pity them… and point and laugh a lot… and poke them with sticks… okay, maybe not the stick thing.
In the meantime, focus on having fun with the finite time we have left. In person, I’m likely to spout off some crackpot theory or nonsensical verbiage with a deadpan expression just to see your reaction and if you take me seriously or not. How bad do you think I can be when it’s just a bunch of data sent over the internet?
When it all gets too tough, turn the phone/TV/radio off, walk/drive wherever the winds/whims take you and just take a day to… be. No politics, no bills-are-due worrying, no firearms debates – just be. Look, touch, hear, smell and taste your world. I’ve gone to a lumber store solely to smell and touch the different woods. At the time, I worked in a food store at the mall, so I really had zero use for lumber of any sort. Just go and exist for a day. You might find that there’s a lot more happiness to be had than suffering and sorrow.
My method is not apathy, it’s more acceptance of inevitability and I’d never claim it’ll work for everyone. I’m working seven a days a week through Christmas this year and I’m suffering a bout of insomnia. I should be wrecked (and aggravated about it) right now. Nope. I’ll go to work in a few hours and crack jokes all day long and come home and pollute Dan’s blog with my mindless inane blather.
This ridiculously rambling comment was brought to you by: “Will He Ever STFU? Epic I – Volume I”, the thrilling premier novel in the completely unanticipated series by J.M. White – available on scamazon.com and at your local Born and Nubile booksellers.
December 9, 2012 - 8:00 AM
Thank you for this post, J.M. White. Dan, no apologies are necessary from you. Taking time for yourself is way past due.
Mr. White, I hear you and you are spot on, life is too short to be obsessed with worrying about the day to day things that fill our lives, or wondering why some folks are so mean and hateful. I try to get away as much as possible, and I use hiking, photography, hunting and fishing to do just that. It doesn’t matter if I’m successful at harvesting an animal or catching a fish.
As long as I am sitting on the side of a mountain in the National Forest somewhere, or sitting in my boat on a beautiful lake, nature has a billion ways to make it all go away, at least for awhile, and that is why I do it.
I come home empty handed more than not, by my choice often, but with a full heart and some wonderful memories that will carry me till the next time I can get away again.
My peace of mind and joy is found in, besides family, the outdoors and I would urge everyone,if you are able, to go out and seek mother nature every chance you get, I promise you she will wash your soul and your mind, and make you feel more alive than ever.
Thank you J.M. White! That is a great post. Made my day.
JW White,
Your post really blew me away. Thanks for sharing.
I am hoping you don’t STFU for a long, long time.
Thanks for writing, JM.
JMWhite, I’m curious about the living in a tent part. There must be something great about living in a tent that someone who’s never done it can’t imagine. Can you think of anything?
JWW
Eagerly anticipating that first novel, which I have encouraged you to write before! And instead of post of the day, I would nominate this one for post of the year.
Well done. But may I add to the “smell the wood” thought. No smell, object or art can approach the beauty and wonder of the precious faces of our loved ones and friends. I find peace and fulfillment in the complete immersion into their love.
That’s something on which we can agree, Terps.
J M White – “Nope. I’ll go to work in a few hours and crack jokes all day long and come home and pollute Dan’s blog with my mindless inane blather.”
Your “blather” brings a mixture of sadness, joy, and humor…it appears neither mindless nor inane. You have great talent as a wordsmith…keep it up…and I hope after 7 days-a-week working schedule you will find comfort in writing and posting on Dan’s blog.
Excellent thoughts.
Well said Randy, that is where your zen calm comes from, no doubt.
In that same vein and having read Barbara Ehrenreich’s book, “Bright-Sided: How Positive Thinking Is Undermining America.” I think many of us work too hard on “being happy” instead of just being.
This is a fascinating article:
“For a civilization so fixated on achieving happiness, we seem remarkably incompetent at the task. One of the best-known general findings of the “science of happiness” has been the discovery that the countless advantages of modern life have done so little to lift our collective mood. The awkward truth seems to be that increased economic growth does not necessarily make for happier societies, just as increased personal income, above a certain basic level, doesn’t make for happier people. Nor does better education, at least according to some studies. Nor does an increased choice of consumer products. Nor do bigger and fancier homes, which instead seem mainly to provide the privilege of more space in which to feel gloomy.
The startling conclusion at which they had all arrived, in different ways, was this: that the effort to try to feel happy is often precisely the thing that makes us miserable. And that it is our constant efforts to eliminate the negative — insecurity, uncertainty, failure, or sadness — that is what causes us to feel so insecure, anxious, uncertain, or unhappy. They didn’t see this conclusion as depressing, though. Instead, they argued that it pointed to an alternative approach, a “negative path” to happiness, that entailed taking a radically different stance towards those things that most of us spend our lives trying hard to avoid. It involved learning to enjoy uncertainty, embracing insecurity, stopping trying to think positively, becoming familiar with failure, even learning to value death. In short, all these people seemed to agree that in order to be truly happy, we might actually need to be willing to experience more negative emotions — or, at the very least, to learn to stop running quite so hard from them.”
http://www.alternet.org/personal-health/screw-positive-thinking-why-our-quest-happiness-making-us-miserable?akid=9782.1089739.dYWmO1&rd=1&src=newsletter757719&t=3&paging=off
Finding and appreciating joy cannot erase the evil, awful, cruel and wrong, but it helps the survival of man for a reason.
I agree with Debbie, Dan you take time for you and for your family. We will not desert the blog if we have to wait a while for the comments to flow again. Part of appreciating you is wanting you to be happy and fulfilled not just a servant of our thoughts and discussions all the time. Enjoy your bike rides and your time with family! We insist!!
Thank you again, everyone.
Kristen: I had to think about your question pretty seriously. Living in a tent was probably the best thing that ever happened to me. It refocused my life. I suddenly appreciated things that I had for so long taken for granted. More importantly, I realized that humans really don’t need much to be “comfortable”.
To be fair, it was a Vietnam-era squad tent, 18′x18′ and I paid around 40 bucks a month for electricity to run my laptop, lamp and mini-fridge. I had heat in the form of a propane camp heater that ran me an additional $40/month in fuel. I even had my queen-sized bed in there. So, it wasn’t exactly “roughing it”. I was there for nearly a year, including the wonderful winter of 2010 (there’s something humbling about having to shovel a path through 18 inches of snow to go to the toilet). It was essentially an efficiency cabin without the solid walls. Really, the only thing that sucked was harvesting rainwater in which to bathe and even in that there was some simple joy.
I had friends that were appalled when they found out about my living situation. I invited them up, cooked dinner on the campfire and before the evening was through, was told that they envied me and wished they could do the same thing. Good food, a warm fire, the company of true friends and very few distractions from the rapidity and urgency of the modern world – that’s the secret.
Without the many, many worries that come from renting/owning a home, my stress levels were literally a tenth of what they were. I was blessed to have a front porch that was a 6-acre meadow, where frolicking deer and the occasional foraging bear replaced depressing newscasts as my coffee companions. My evenings were spent writing on my laptop, sipping White Russians and watching the sunset. What could possibly be stressful about that?
Being in a place like that slows time to a pace that is more suited for human beings, IMO. We’re burning ourselves out, really. Even as adaptable as we are, I just don’t think we were meant to live life at such a frantic pace. We’re immensely complex bio-machines, after all – hard use means extra hard wear and tear. Maybe we’re just better off if we re-synchronize our internal clocks with the natural world every once in a while. Unplug for a day or two, so to speak.
Or maybe I’m just a filthy hippie at heart.
Kristen @ 12:00 pm I can’t, but then I’ve always preferred hotel rooms to camping out.
J.M. White, I’m glad your life has improved and hope it continues to get better. Ditto this comment from Steve C. “I am hoping you don’t STFU for a long, long time”
Thanks, j m white and Dan.
The excerpt from Barbara Ehrenreich’s book is interesting, Sandi. Try as we might you can’t escape the bad things in life. You have to deal with it and learn to go on.
JM White, when I read your post I was pretty sure that you’d have, in retrospect, found you missed aspects of that lifestyle. In some ways it sounds restful.
The best life advice I can give everyone is to strive to be a saint. A saint is anyone who is in heaven. Try to be one of those. Make that the overriding goal in everything you do, and everything else will fall into place. “Seek first the Kingdom of God and its righteousness, and all these things will be given you besides” -Matthew
Do morning devotions every day. That means prayer; talking/listening to God. I like the rosary as well. The world has been asked to show a devotion to Mary. Non-Catholics may not understand that, but it’s a powerful tool.
Read the bible 15 minutes a day. It will probably take you six or eight months to get through it all.
Attend not just a weekly church service but a daily one if you can. Catholics in the valley are lucky enough to have their choice of daily mass times.
Here’s what happens when you do those things. Your focus will turn away from yourself and towards others. You’ll become more outgoing, a better listener, a better friend. You will feel more joyful. You won’t fear death. You will live in the present. You will drop or curtail the big self-medicating time wasters in your life, and you will do what you are supposed to do more of the time.
Some people think saintly people are quiet introspective wall flowers. Not so. Daily devotions as I describe will make you more forceful, less meek, and more outspoken. You’ll stand up for what is right. You’ll be happy.
Thought for the day: Pray more. Worry less.
Dharma Bums, part deux.
“The best life advice I can give everyone is to strive to be a saint. A saint is anyone who is in heaven. ”
So, we should strive to be dead?
Re: Art Hill @ 9:26 pm
Nah. Dharma Bums had more of a ring of sincerity, understanding, and substance.
Dharma Bums the parody? Maybe.
How about SNL presents?
I get it now. Go to church more often, read your Bible, worship Mary, and you too can be as “forceful” and insulting as suzie. You might even learn to enjoy making fun of other people’s kids. And as a bonus you’ll feel better for it.
“One day I’ll find the right words, and they will be simple.”
Jack Kerouac, The Dharma Bums, 1958“
When does piety become pathology?
http://articles.baltimoresun.com/1992-09-15/news/1992259102_1_mystical-experiences-psychiatry-mental-disorders
Some people think saintly people are quiet introspective wall flowers. Not so. Daily devotions as I describe will make you more forceful, less meek, and more outspoken. You’ll stand up for what is right. You’ll be happy.
Thought for the day: Pray more. Worry less.
Comment by Suzie — December 9, 2012 @ 9:05 pm
And Jesus ssid “Blessed are the meek for they shall inherit the earth.”
I get it now. Go to church more often, read your Bible, worship Mary, and you too can be as “forceful” and insulting as suzie. You might even learn to enjoy making fun of other people’s kids. And as a bonus you’ll feel better for it.
I’m not doing those things anymore, Gdad, although I’ve always considered what goes on in here sort of a game. I’m sure you do, too. Surely you wouldn’t behave towards others in person the way you present yourself on this blog.
If you truly want us to believe that you’ve turned over a new leaf, Suzie, post under your real name. Until then, you’re just the new and marginally improved Suzie – (now with more 50% more Jesus!)
#26 “Surely you wouldn’t behave towards others in person the way you present yourself on this blog.”
Not exactly but but a whole heck of a lot closer than your enormous swings. And while the folks who post here who know me can attest that the things I’ve said about myself and my family are in fact true, absolutely nobody on this blog has the foggiest idea what is and isn’t fact about you. In fact, it’s a safe bet that every single person reading your latest comments assumes they are simply the latest permutation of your trolling “game.” Absolutely NOBODY believes you’ve undergone some sort of conversion.
J.M. White, I would say you definitely got in touch with your inner hippie, in all the best ways possible. We do spend too much time, effort and worry on pursuits that do not bring either happiness or contentment. When we take the time, as you did, to boil it all down, whether by choice or necessity, we find that “things” are not what we need, family, friends, and a relationship with the earth (or the God who created it all), are.
This may sound weird, but my personal observation has been that those who experience loss or tragedy earlier rather than later, are much more in tune with that “inner hippie”, and know what matters.
J.M. White,
I have always felt like a hippie. I never conform, I never agree just to agree… I never put peace above the truth, I have been called a True Contrarian LOL. But I feel ya, Brother.
I wanted to let you know, if you ever need any lumber let me know. I work in the Hardwood lumber side of things. I have my own small business, where I grade lumber for smaller companies (including my own) and I always like to give or sell lumber to people who enjoy wood working. I love to work with wood myself. I never envisioned myself as a lumberman when I was a little chap, but I have lots of fun with it. It allows me to be by myself and work things out no matter what. I can resonate with you on the lumber issue. It is amazing how a simple smell of freshly sawn lumber can throw you back somewhere when things were different.
Nice post!
JM White – I am catching up with the blog this morning and just wanted to thank you for your post (and also Dan for making sure it didn’t get buried). I agree with your approach to viewing the world and life. I spent part of the weekend re-reading Waiting for Godot and doing some research, etc. in preparation for directing it soon. Here is a lovely quote to share that sort of crosses over into your philosophy a bit: “Astride of a grave and a difficult birth. Down in the hole, lingeringly, the grave-digger puts on the forceps. We have time to grow old. The air is full of our cries. But habit is a great deadener.”
At any rate, to all of us who spend just a bit of time staring at prisms of reflected light you mentioned JMW, leaves jitterbugging in the wind, a cat studying the scene through a window, steam off a cup of coffee, or just about any other absolutely beautiful, heart breaking, gut wrenchingly lovely tiny piece of the world around us….cheers!
J.M. re: “filthy hippie at heart”…
I sometimes feel the same, just have too much responsibility (or too little balls) to go back…
Thought provoking piece though… tks
If you truly want us to believe that you’ve turned over a new leaf, Suzie, post under your real name. Until then, you’re just the new and marginally improved Suzie – (now with more 50% more Jesus!)
What does posting “under my real name” have to do with the validity of my point?
“I’ve always considered what goes on in here sort of a game.”
Credibility.
You have none.
That’s why.
JM White.
When are you going to understand your opinion on my ‘credibility’ is meaningless to me?
Don’t postpone joy
The Walden interlude may have been pleasant, but it is a selfish existence, and as such can never bring lasting joy. True joy is only accomplished in the service of others.
Suzie:
“What does posting “under my real name” have to do with the validity of my point?”
Because if you choose to lie or profess the absurd, there are no real life ramifications. You only get ONE real life identity, so you are far less likely to tie things to it that will damage your credibility to it.
Sandi, J.M., Dave Gresham, I, and seveal others post under our real names and, by doing so, kick the safety net and ability to have a do-over out from under us if we were to say something damaging. That in itself does give us a credibility and respect that you do not have. You would have more credibility instantly if you were a verifiable, identifiable person.
Re: J.M. White @ 8:51 am
IMHO, Suzie acknowledging that she was wrong about the election both before (as to who would win) and after (as in agreeing that it was lost not stolen) would be the first sign of turned over a new leaf.
For the new Suzie persona, see Proverbs 16:18 and Matthew 3:2
FWIIW, I neither made a prediction about the election nor made a bet on it. So, I don’t have motive in this issue.
IMHO, Suzie acknowledging that she was wrong about the election both before (as to who would win) and after (as in agreeing that it was lost not stolen) would be the first sign of turned over a new leaf.
You’re asking me to lie, Dave H., and I refuse to do that. And anybody who thinks over 100 districts in battleground states going 100% for 0bama isn’t evidence of stealing an election is either lying or very gullible.
“You’re asking me to lie, Dave H., and I refuse to do that. ”
Translation: I’m not giving up my trolling ways.
No, you do not refuse to do that at all. It is a rather commonplace event. And once again, a precinct is not a district, or a county. I realize that sheltered and supposedly pampered lives like yours do not realize there are precincts where minorities, Democrats or even right wingers make up 100% of the voters. It is however a reality and you will either have to come to grips with it, or continue to squander whatever point you ever hope to make with anyone not already high on the same delusion.
I realize that sheltered and supposedly pampered lives like yours do not realize there are precincts where minorities, Democrats or even right wingers make up 100% of the voters.
The precincts that went 100% for Romney were very small. I found three. All in Utah. Romney won 14-0. 14-0, and 17-0. The difference between the candidates was only 3.7%. Statisically, it is impossible for one candidate to win 100% of the vote in over 100 precincts that average over 200 voters. You’re too smart to believe that. So why do you waste time pretending Democrats didn’t cheat out the wazoo?
Statis[t]ically, it is impossible for one candidate to win 100% of the vote in over 100 precincts that average over 200 voters.
False. Try a statement that doesn’t reflect your overwhelming bias and has the tiniest bit of, you know, truth. It mat be improbable but it is most certainly not impossible. I’m just positively positive you’ll make the appropriate correction/retraction at any moment now.