Note from Dan: Apparently ‘Another Chuck’ has been smoking some funny stuff. That’s the only explanation I can devise for the strange, satirical scenario he’s dreamed up below, in which I’m a senator from Virginia, hashing out some budget stuff with Vice President Joe Biden. Here goes — first with the “DC World” and then AC’s imagining of the “Real World.”
By ‘Another Chuck’
WASHINGTON, DC — After 4 years of the United States operating without a budget, many citizens are becoming restless over Congress not doing its job. Vice President Joe Biden has been appointed head of a task force to get to the bottom of this. His first order of business is to interview the majority party members on the Senate budget committee.
Joe Biden (JB): Dano, please come in and have a seat.
Sen. Dano Casey, D-Virginia, enters the office and sits across the desk from Biden.
DC: Thank you Joe, and congratulations on your re-election.
JB: Thank you, Senator. Time is limited so let’s get down to business.
DC: Yes sir.
JB: Dano, we are fast approaching 4-years in the greatest country on Earth without having an operating budget. From your perspective, what is the problem?
DC: May I be frank, sir?
JB: By all means.
DC: The budget outline submitted to us from the White House is so far-fetched we don’t even know where to begin. Even Patty Murray, D-Washington, says we don’t have that kind of money to spend.
JB: I know, but we have to leave Obama out of this. You are aware we are taxing the rich more. Will that revenue help?
DC: Not really, sir. You see all that money and more is already earmarked to pay down Obamacare. We are eating up all revenue faster than we can get it in. Then we borrow more money so we can keep spending.
JB: Dammit, there just isn’t enough money to go around. Bernanke is going to print some more, but the people are catching on that printing money decreases the value of the dollar, and this is the 4th time we’ve done it. We’re in a tight spot, Dano. What do you think we should do?
DC: Sir, the only thing I can think of is to transfer the blame to the Republicans.
JB: But, won’t that be hard? Obama is President and we hold the majority in the Senate….but I do like the way you think! Can we get Boehner, too?
DC: Well sir, Boehner’s a long shot ….since he’s in the House. But I think we can pin this situation on Jeff Sessions and John Thune.
JB: Really, How?
DC: In 2006, both Sessions and Thune supported Bush’s Medicare Part D expansion (Note from Dan: So did Rep. Paul Ryan). Talk about a spending quagmire. Warner and I can label them the big spenders which will take the heat off us for a while.
JB: Brilliant! But, what about the budget?
Both men break-up laughing.
JB: Thanks, Dano. You are a valuable asset around here. I’m sure you will have a long and prosperous career in the Senate.
DC: Thank you, sir. And on behalf of my colleagues and me, thanks for keeping us out of that Obamacare program-Whew!
JB: No problem, Dano. Not on my watch!
Debbie Meade, Publisher for the Roanoke Times calls Dano Casey in for a meeting:
DM: Dano, you have been late on 4 out 5 of your last assignments, and just flat out didn’t do one. The traffic on your blog is way down due to the new kinder and gentler approach you enacted.
DC: Well Debbie, Melissa Powell took space from me on a fluff piece and even Doughty ran some kind UVA feel-good article in the Metro section.
DM: Dan, Enough! You’re fired!