The names have been redacted to protect the guilty
Your daily Letter to the Columnist — Jan. 10, 2013
Note from Dan: This letter, with all the blacked-out areas already cut out, arrived in my mail slot at work Monday. A Christmas newsletter, yay! I was particularly enchanted by the drawing of the red trumpet the sender taped to the top, and the bit at the end about the dog and “all the attractive people in our family.”
January 10, 2013 - 1:30 PM
I’m sorry, ‘who knew there were deserts in the United States’? Um.
Is this letter meant to be satire or genuine.
Dan, I am sorry you had to receive this in the mail. Whew, I almost vomited about halfway through reading it.
If I sent one of those letters it would be more like…
“Jr. got strep throat and 2 stomach bugs this year, I slid in the ice and wrecked my car, and the dog rolled in another dogs feces and ruined our carpet. I make the same salary as I did last year. Happy New Year!”
If we sent any, it would be…here, take a look at these cute pictures of our cats.
pp would be penning the first ever Christmas letter rooted in realism.
“Here’s the rundown on the family.
Dakota Sue is pregnant again but we know who the daddy is this time. We’re hoping he’ll make the payments on it. If it’s a girl, she wants to name it Cheyenne after her truck that got repossessed. If it’s a boy, she’ll name it International Harvester Scout after some character in a old book.
Tacoma made a girl online and almost got married to her but she turned out to be 13 and now he can’t go near any schools.
Dodge gave blood and found out he ain’t kin to some of us.
Daddy got a DUI on the riding lawn mower driving it to the Piggly Wiggly, Momma got the ptomaine but you can’t get the disability for it and Grandma won $6 in the lottery.
The dog got hit by a Trailways bus and we might get some money out of it. If so, we’re going to Disney. Happy New Year”
I equate Christmas letters with vacation (or, insert your own boring activity here) slide shows. The only one in the room interested is the guy showing them.
I get some of these as well – they go into the round file pretty quickly. I will admit that I send a Christmas letter every year and I actually get requests for it – of course, it is totally tongue-in-cheek and “loosely” based in reality!
No Christmas letter from us, but I do enjoy reading some that I receive. Helps us keep up with friends and acquaintances who live far away
This is the world some people live in.
My husband used to have to “participate” in his yearly review at work by writing essays about how he was going to do his job better, help the company achieve their goals and how his personal goals “meshed” etc. Naturally I had to write them for him because his answers would have had him fired.
Like it or not, this is the world we have become. It is funny, but when they stop coming, you will miss them. At least I did.
The one good thing about these Christmas letters is that they update once per year and must be fairly short.
With facebook, we get this type of material updated by the minute 24/7 365….
OMG. The worst part is that you can’t click “unsubscribe”!
Mike O and JW, so true!
Thankfully, in the past several years of getting a few dozen holiday cards from friends and family…we have yet to get any of these sorts of letters. Mostly, we get traditional cards…some are homemade, and several of the family photo card types too.