Tueday’s column: Introducing a new Virginia currency
Art by Dan
In case you missed it, the Virginia House of Delegates last approved a resolution for a commission to study establishing a Virginia currency, if the Federal Reserve system collapses. Cost to taxpayers for the commission: $17,440. Let’s take a minute to imagine that committee’s report.
M E M O
From: Del. Bob Marshall’s Currency Commission
To: Virginia General Assembly
Subject: Our deliberations and recommendations
Gentle men and women of the oldest legislature in the Western Hemisphere:
After many hours of dinner meetings and $17,440 worth of prime beef, succulent 3-pound lobsters, and flagons of aged bourbon and claret, we’re pleased to bring you the following recommendations regarding a future Virginia currency.
First, it is vital we take this step. Every kook in the country knows the Federal Reserve is headed toward failure. The nuts are expecting the Old Dominion to lead the way out of that mess.
Therefore, we recommend you immediately establish a Virginia State Mint, the location of which is to be determined. One of those totally unnecessary prisons we built in the 1990s might be the most fitting place, symbolically. Red Onion, perhaps?
Second, the currency should be a coin, rather than paper, because the former will last far longer and cost taxpayers much less. We will get into the preferred material later in this summary.
Third, and this is important: We must carefully avoid any use of the term “Confederate” on the new coinage. Recall, we went down that road once before. And that didn’t turn out too swell.
Fourth, we deliberated a long time about a name for the new coin. One member suggested the “Bobby” after Del. Marshall. But he modestly pooh-poohed the idea and offered up the “Kenny,” after his favorite attorney general.
But we quickly realized how unseemly it would be to name it after anyone still alive. We decided instead to call it the “Virgin,” after our beloved commonwealth.
READ THE REST OF THIS COLUMN HERE.
February 12, 2013 - 6:00 AM
FYI – http://www.ithacahours.com/
Better yet, lets have two choices. The one dan designed, then lets do a VA RED cent.
One one side would be a picture of God..I mean Obama, and the other side would be an aborted baby.
With Obama on one side, and the dead baby on the other, that will represent that Obama couldn’t give a RED cent about the life of the unborn.
Any chance we can make this thing the size and mass of a car wash token?
Dan,
I think it is extremely inappropriate and wrong to ridicule the widely held relgious beliefs of Delegate Marshall, a practicing Catholic, concerning abortion, birth control, and sex outside of marriage.
It is my prayer someday you will reevaluate your own positions on these matters, and return to the Catholic faith of your younger days.
I know the Republicans wouldn’t accept this since it would be environmentally sensible but why not use crushed aluminum cans and plastic bottles?
The value would be determined by the brand, for instance a house brand would have the least value and I guess in Virginia Dr Pepper would be the “gold standard”..
The denominations could be termed McDonnell, Kenny [his last name is to hard to spell] Lee, Jackson, etc.
This could even go a step further with glass containers with the most expensive brand being worth the most .
Can we get this on the ballot?
Any chance we could make the white portion of the coin in the shape of a uterus? Marshal seems obsessed with this particular organ.
http://www.nuff.org/health_theuterus.htm
Why not do like North Dakota did and create a state owned bank? The Bank of North Dakota has been very successful and completley solvent even in this economy. It’s at least a step in the right direction.
#4 Oh great, another Catholic thread.
I have no problem with Del. Marshall’s religious beliefs; nor does Dan I suspect. What I have a problem with is him trying to legislate his religious beliefs to affect us non-believers.
“It is my prayer someday you will reevaluate your own positions on these matters, and return to the Catholic faith of your younger days.
Given that Dan is a happily married man and devoted to his children and family, I’m wondering exactly what portion of the man’s life might best represent your personal Catholic ideal?
The core beliefs of the far right wing seem to be as follows:
Wealth equals virtue.
Guns are good.
Abortion is bad.
Government is bad, unless it is our government waging war on the enemies du jour.
Taxes are just plain wicked, unless they are used to wage war on the enemies du jour.
MY religion is good (the more fundamentalist Christian the better).
Any OTHER religion is bad.
@Old Blue–Right wing belief—The government exists for our looting i.e Halliburton, and not for the people.
I’d prefer not to even know Marshall’s religious beliefs.
Comment by old blue — February 12, 2013 @ 12:42 pm
The only one you left out is:
ICLEI is a commie conspiracy and the UN is Lucifer
I have no problem with Del. Marshall’s religious beliefs; nor does Dan I suspect. What I have a problem with is him trying to legislate his religious beliefs to affect us non-believers.
I don’t think it’s too much to ask not to destroy your offspring.
Oh, Dan, surely you jest. Yes I do occasionally read your column, mostly for my ammusement
15. “I don’t think it’s too much to ask not to destroy your offspring”.
Comment by a stupid poster @7:40pm
I don’t hink it’s too much to ask of avowedly celibate men not to rape anyone’s offspring and not to cover up those crimes when they do.
There are many ways to “destroy”. Marco Rubio is showing that now.
Warren:
“I don’t hink it’s too much to ask of avowedly celibate men not to rape anyone’s offspring and not to cover up those crimes when they do.”
+1
Then again, what logical reason demands their celibacy in the first place?