Join the conversation [ADD A COMMENT]

View our commenting policy and standards | Commenting FAQ | Report a problem

1. Frank | March 8, 2013 at 10:41 pm

   well, heck, since no one is posting in this space, and for some of us it’s getting into tax return time, I thought I’d share this gem:

   The IRS decided to audit Grandpa, and summoned him to the IRS office.

   The IRS auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his attorney.

   The auditor said, “well, sir, you have an extravagant life-style and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I’m not sure the IRS finds that believable.”

   “I’m a great gambler, and I can prove it”, said Grandpa. “How about a demonstration?”

   The auditor thinks for a moment and said, “Okay. Go ahead.”

   Grandpa says, “I’ll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye.”

   The auditor thinks for a moment, and says, “It’s a bet.”

   Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor’s jaw drops.

   Grandpa says, “Now, I’ll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye.”

   Now the auditor can tell Grandpa isn’t blind, so he takes the bet.

   Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye.

   The stunned auditor now realizes he has waggered and lost three grand, with Grandpa’s attorney as a witness… He starts to get nervous.

   “Wanna go double or nothing?” Gandpa says, “I’ll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that waste-basket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between.”

   The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there’s no way this guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees to bet again.

   Grandpa stands besdie the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can’t make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditors desk.

   The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win!

   But, Granpa’s attorney moans and puts his head into his hands.

   “Are you ok?” the auditor asks.

   “Not really,” said Grandpa’s attorney. “this morning, when Grandpa told me he’d been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and piss all over your desk and that you’d be absolutely happy about it!”

   Don’t mess with old people!
2. Dan Casey | March 8, 2013 at 11:21 pm

   That’s a pretty good joke, Frank.
3. Jason Perdue | March 9, 2013 at 12:02 am

   Good one, Frank.