Note from Dan: The regular “Warren” nearly exhausted the alphabet in an interesting comment posted Tuesday that’s pretty much a rundown of corruption, mendacity and incompetence by certain men who count themselves as Virginia Republicans. It was too good to take a chance it would get buried as a mere comment on a thread. Of course, I’m happy to grant equal space to anyone who wants to fete Virginia Democrats in the same manner. Follow this pattern!
Match the Virginia Republican to their true description:
A) This Va. Republican recent statewide candidate sought to criminalize miscarriages, by requiring women to report them to the police within twenty-four hours of the traumatic event or face penalties. He also took $15,000 from an energy company that was failing to pay required royalties to the Va. landowners whose gas it was taking.
B) This Va. Republican former state Secretary of Finance was sentenced to ten years in prison for defrauding the Va. Tobacco Commission of four million dollars.
C) This Va. Republican recent failed statewide candidate was served in 2006 with a restraining order for threats of violence, admits to past bankruptcy and tax liens, labeled religions different from his own “false”, and has said that gays are poisoning the culture, among many divisive statements.
D) This Va. Republican former majority leader paid a reported $100,000 dollars in hush money to settle charges of sexual harassment.
E) This Va. Republican current officeholder is under federal investigation for influence peddling after accepting huge amounts in cash, gifts and favors from a businessman peddling dubious health supplements that he assisted.
F) This Va. Republican former delegate is currently serving a nearly ten year prison sentence for bribery and extortion for using his elected position in an influence peddling scheme.
G) This Va. Republican recent failed statewide candidate accepted $55,000 from a veterans fraud scheme, soliciting $50,000 of it himself and meeting personally to discuss legislation that would enable the fraud to continue. He also accepted $100,000 from an energy company that was failing to pay royalties to the Va. landowners whose gas it was taking, and then his office provided advice to the company on how to continue it’s non-payment scheme. He also wasted hundreds of thousands of taxpayer dollars unsuccessfully suing to overturn EPA rules, investigating scientists whose work he didn’t like, and trying to reinstate sodomy laws the Supreme Court had already ruled unconstitutional. He sought to cover the exposed breast of the classical statue of Virtue in the state flag, he supports taking money from the state’s public school funds to give to private religious schools, he opposes accepting federal money to expand healthcare coverage for poor Virginians, and he wants to gut the state’s Medicaid Waiver program for disabled adults.
H) This Va. Republican recently elected local candidate once slapped a stranger’s child in public for annoying him, supports a theocracy with his own religion installed in public governance, and wants to halt spending on libraries and other capital improvements in his county.
I) This Va. Republican current officeholder brazenly lied to the voters who pay his salary by saying he would limit himself to twelve years in that office, twenty-three years ago. He also fully supported threatening the U.S.’s full faith and credit as a partisan tactic in 2013.
J) This Va. Republican delegate has sponsored so many drastic bills to impose his own religious beliefs on the state, such as banning in vitro fertilization and preventing rape victims from access to the morning after pill, that he’s earned the nickname “Taliban Bob”.
K) This Va. Republican former Senator confirmed reports of a lifetime of bullying by taunting a darkskinned young man in public with a racial slur, while seemingly denying his own ethnic heritage in favor of a fake Southern identity.
L) This Va. Republican televangelist became extremely rich using tax free donations to build a TV empire which he sold for personal gain, diverted tax free resources in an effort to enrich himself with a blood diamond mine in Africa, mentored the most corrupt governor in Va. history, and founded a school to supply foot soldiers to work for theocratic and plutocratic policies.
M) This Va. Republican unelected political operative created and runs a scheme to coerce Republican elected officials to ignore revenue needs and underfund necessary government functions in order to satisfy his radical anti-government fetish.
N) This Va. Republican is a nationally prominent black woman.
O) This Va. Republican radio personality is a convicted felon, a notoriously bungling criminal who was paid by a national Republican campaign to conduct illegal activity, and once publicly described the most lethal ways to shoot ATF agents.
P) This Va. Republican former governor implemented a convoluted minor tax cut as a budget sham that created an unfunded mandate of new work for local revenue commissioners and budget holes for legislators, before graduating to a term as national RNC chairman so mediocre that he was forced to resign after only one year by the Bush reelection team.
Q) This Va. Republican Congressman was a leader of the strategy to threaten the full faith and credit of the United States in 2013, and has devoted himself to radical partisanship in trying to subvert the twice duly elected President by any means as a leading member of the least productive Congress in U.S. history.
R) This Va. Republican former sheriff put his untrained daughter on his payroll, allowed her free reign over department professionals, and then ignored warnings and tried to cover up a deputy’s insane murder mission, costing an innocent woman her life. He then expected taxpayers to pay for the defense of his misconduct, after which Republicans renominated him.
S) This Va. Republican televangelist led his church into violations of securities law that resulted in fraud charges. He made frequent anti-gay and racist statements, once saying that the decision in Brown Vs. Board of Education did not follow God’s word. He said that the 9/11 terrorist attacks were deserved because of the work of gays. He underwrote and distributed a baseless video that accused Bill Clinton of complicity in murder. He formed the inaccurately named Moral Majority which became a pressure group distorting the political landscape of the 1980′s. He said that AIDS was retribution for homosexuality, and publicly hoped for a day when all public schools were replaced with Christian schools. He was suffering from the health effects of decades of undisciplined overindulgence when the one God of gays, straights, blacks, and whites made him die alone.
T) This Va. Republican beneficiary of nepotism has simultaneously supported anti-government politicians while becoming one of the state’s largest recipients of federal dollars for student aid, requires faculty to pledge to teach ideas that ignore proven science such as carbon dating, and instituted behavior fines for on-campus students that include fines for masturbation.
U) This Va. Republican radical gun industry spokesman made statements about the ATF so extreme that they caused Pres. Bush to resign from the NRA. He opposes any law that would potentially limit profits of any of the gun makers and sellers who’re his patrons. He appears after every gun massacre to urge the further saturation of American culture with guns, and stays silent during the stretches when daily gun violence creates the vast majority of the toll of preventable American gun deaths. He’s become rich ignoring the blood on his hands, while reinforcing false identity politics and selling some gun owners on the fiction that the NRA is still primarily a sportsman’s group.
V) This Va. Republican former statewide candidate illegally sold weapons to a nation that sponsored terrorism and described the U.S. as its’ enemy, illegally gave taxpayer money to guerrillas trying to overthrow a democratically elected government, then was nominated by Virginia Republicans and now gets paid to be part of the right wing echo chamber.
Answers: A) Mark Obenshain B) John W. Forbes C) E.W. Jackson D) Vance Wilkins E) Bob McDonnell F) Phil Hamilton G) Ken Cuccinelli H) Al Bedrosian I) Bob Goodlatte J) Bob Marshall K) George Allen L) Pat Robertson M) Grover Norquist N) Trick question, there are none. O) G. Gordon Liddy P) Jim Gilmore Q) Eric Cantor R) Ewell Hunt S) Jerry Falwell Sr. T) Jerry Falwell Jr. U) Wayne LaPierre V) Oliver North