Eric Ward from Provo Utah | Wikimedia Commons | Text by Dan

Suzie’s  maid asked for a pay increase.

Suzie was very upset about this and decided to talk to her about the raise.

Suzie asked, “Now Maria, why do you want a pay increase?”

Maria: “Well, there are three reasons why I want an increase.

The first is that I iron better than you.”

Suzie: “Who said you iron better than me?”

Maria: “Your husband  said so.”

Suzie: “Oh yeah?”

Maria: “The second reason is that I am a better cook than you.”

Suzie: “Nonsense, who said you were a better cook than me?”

Maria:  “Your husband did”
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Eric Ward from Provo Utah | Wikimedia Commons | Text by Dan

“A liberal, a moderate, and a conservative walk into a bar.

The bartender says: ‘Hello Mitt.’”

Eric Ward from Provo Utah | Wikimedia Commons | Text by Dan

Subject: Alabama declares War

President Barack Obama was in the Oval Office when his telephone rang.

“Hello, President Obama, a heavily accented southern voice said. “This is Archie, down here at Joe ‘ s Catfish Shack, in Mobile , and I am callin ‘ to tell y’all that we are officially declaring war on y’all!”

“Well Archie,” Barack replied, “This is indeed important news! How big is your army?”

“Right now,” said Archie, after a moments calculation “there is myself, my cousin Harold, my next-door-neighbor Randy, and the whole dart team from Hooters. That makes eight!”

Barack paused. “I must tell you Archie that I have one million men in my army waiting to move on my command.”

“Wow,” said Archie. “I’ll have to call ya back!” Sure enough, the next day, Archie called again. “Mr. Obama, the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!” Read more »