If last week’s contest proved anything, it’s that humor and imagination are alive and well in the Blue Ridge (and that certain posters to this blog have neither).
I asked you to dream up some big hits that might come out of Liberty U’s recently announced film school, and you folks delivered with 21 entries.
Here are the 5 finalists as judged by my colleague Neil Harvey, who besides his reporting talents is an experienced film reviewer.
#4 “Gone With the Rapture”
After Scarlett has a child with a returning veteran and her return to Tara, her great-great grandchildren continue to dress up as Civil War reenactors and long for the good old days as they dwell in South Carolina. As “Tea Party” members, and aging, they hold out the last hopes that the rapture will occur soon and save their way of life, as they believe the kingdom that is established will closely resemble the ways in which their progenitor lived.
–by Doug S
Outraged over the new movie on Lincoln being filmed on Confederate soil, the new film school at Liberty U has announced their attempt to tell the true story of the War of Northern Agression through the eyes of Jeffeson Davis.
Starring Morgan Griffith as the dapper CSA President and Ken Cuccinelli as his faithful chef and housekeeper Hop Sing.
According to Confederate activist Jack/Tony/whatever his name is: “Now we have the real story behind the mass murderer that was Lincoln and the essential fact that the war was never about slavery. We’ll uncover the truth faster than you can say ‘Simon Legree.’”
Rated D for “denial.”
–by Morris Fleischer
#40 “Not Too Old Yeller”
Set in ancient times, 10,000 years ago, this touching and emotional story follows the relationship between a stone age boy and the gentle velociraptor who mysteriously and stubbornly insists on interacting with the boy’s family. Though reluctant to embrace the beast at first, the young boy, Uriah, finds the spunky therapod an intelligent partner in the quest for food and in the never ending task of protecting the vulnerable cave family. Together, they make a formidable team. But all is threatened when the dark specter of sin changes changes the dynamics of animal and human interaction.
Starring: Ken Ham as both the voice of god and Burly, the cave mouse.
Ray Comfort as the voice of Zebulon, the velociraptor
Benny Hinn as the shaman sorcerer
And making his screen film debut, this little dude as Uriah:
This movie is rated little “s” for sin. Not really bad sins though, mostly eating shellfish and mixing different kinds of fabric, In the end God’s message is more powerful than the witness of such abominations.
–by Mike Scott
#44 “Thunder Road”
A remake starring Jerry Falwell Jr as the speed demon former hero running grandaddy’s shine through the hills of old Virginny trying to outrun the “Revenuers” played by Roscoe P “Mike” Brown and Sheriff Ron “Arpaio” Gillespie.
Soundtrack by the Liberty University Choir including the wildly popular “Bed Intruder Song”!
“There was moonshine, moonshine, to quench the Devil’s thirst,
the Law they swore they’d get him, but the Devil got him first.”
–by Sandi Saunders
#54 “Mad Jerry Beyond the Apocalypse”
Jerry Falwell (Mel Gibson) copes with the end of the world. The Magnetic Poles have shifted and the North Pole is now over Cuba. Unsure why he and his devotees were not caught up in the Rapture, Jerry desperately gathers his tiny flock and treks north from Liberty University to Cuba, certain that his prayers for salvation will be answered if Jerry and his intrepid group can make it to Miami and then secure safe passage to Havanna, certain that God has remade the city and has a mansion waiting for them all.
Co-starring Tina Turner as the nemisis Auntie Entity who will make sure Jerry does not complete his journey, This movie will keep you on the edge of your seat. Tanya Tucker surprises with an outstanding performance as Crazy Delta Dawn who walks with Jerry most of the way until she abruptly leaves with a mysterious dark haired man.
SPOILER ALERT: Billy Graham (playing himself) will meet up with and guide Jerry to his final surprise destination.
– by Cold n P
Thanks for playing, folks! I’ll announce the winner first thing Friday morning.