Dear Table of Six…
A Roanoke County reader submitted a CornerShot for publication in the Extra section of The Roanoke Times. We ran it today.
This reader’s piece is about a restaurant experience where her party of eight had to wait too long because a party of six lingered at the table after eating lunch.
I think this CornerShot brings up some interesting questions about restaurant etiquette. I’d like to hear what you all think of her description of this particular scenario.
Would you be as peeved as she was?
CornerShot, Feb. 27, 2012
Dear Table of Six,
We’re glad you had the chance to catch up over lunch. It looks like y’all had a great time.
We’re not so glad that after you paid your bill and your table had been cleared, you spent the next hour sitting there chatting.
You see, we were next in line for that table. We didn’t mind standing the first 10 minutes, but when 10 turned into 20, we were a little peeved.
The hostess apologetically squeezed us into another table where we enjoyed our lunch, a meal that lasted 40 minutes.
As our server cleared our plates, your group inched away from the table and said their goodbyes.
May I offer a little piece of restaurant etiquette? The next time you clear your calendars for a 2-hour lunch, please remember to leave your server a generous tip. This will help make up for the one you cost her.
Sincerely, Table of Eight
— Susan Stilwell, a reader in Roanoke County
February 27, 2013 - 11:48 AM
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I prefer to dine alone, reading and enjoying my meal at a leisurely pace. I also like to eat early, so I try to arrive either before or just after the lunch rush. Sometimes, I will find myself seated at a four top, particular in those few restaurants that don’t really have two tops. I try to be aware of the flow of the restaurant, and if I notice that people are starting to queue up, I will close my magazine (or, more likely, turn off my Kindle), finish my meal, pay my check and get out of the way. I do not allow this to impact my tip, nor would I allow it to impact my tip if I were made to wait for a table because someone has been so inconsiderate as to set up camp at their table.
That said, the front of house manager should have taken note of the situation and perhaps offered the party of eight a complimentary beverage at the bar (if available) or some other enticement just as a way of making the table aware they were holding others up without being rude.
This is a tough call – did the party of 8 have a reservation? If they did, then it was up to the restaurant to advise the table of 6 that they needed to leave. But if they did not – then that is the chance that you take.
That is something we always do, when we linger in a restaurant. We are conscious of the time we occupy the table, in addition to the amount of food and drinks we order, and we tip accordinly to make up for the lost potential in tips had we dined, and then dashed afterward.
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I think though, perhaps, the restaurant erred in assuming the first party would be leaving promptly and basing your seating on that assumption. Had they just arrived and you arrived shortly thereafter, there would have been no question about setting up separate arrangements to meet the needs of both groups.
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They should have done that from the get-go.
Once a month my sisters and I meet for lunch. We always take the afternoon off because we always take at least a 2 hour lunch. No one has ever been waiting for our table but regardless, I disagree with party of eight. They paid for that time at that table.
This is part of eating out. There is nothing – absolutely nothing – I hate worse than feeling like a restaurant is trying to hurry me out, and it happens so rarely that I couldn’t recall the last time it did. And for all we know the table of 8 DID leave a generous tip. If you have more than 3 or 4 in your group and go out at a prime dining time without a rez, it might be dicey.
I also wondered how the writer knew what kind of tip the party of six left. Unless she asked the server and was told it was a bad tip, in which case she should have included that information.
It’s not clear if the letter-writer’s group had a reservation or not. If they did, then that appointment should have been honored and the hostess and/or manager should have made every effort to clear the table for them. If they did not have a reservation, then this kind of situation is the kind of risk you take whenever you’re dining out with more than 4 people (since most restaurant tables seat 4 – which invites the question, how small is this restaurant that they can’t easily accommodate a party of 6 and a party of 8 at the same time?).
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But while I would grumble about the other group’s inconsiderate behavior, there might be a backstory to their gathering I’m not privy to. Suppose they only meet once a year? Suppose one or more of them traveled long distances to make this lunch? Suppose one of them has recently been diagnosed with a terminal illness, or has learned they’re about to be sent overseas for an indefinite length of time? Suppose one of them has just published their first book, or won a major award in their industry, or found out they’re about to become a grandparent? Any of those situations or others like them would, in my opinion, be just cause to linger a little while longer after the dishes have been taken away. (Also, they might be from elsewhere, or have spent some time overseas. In many parts of the world, lingering over a meal is customary behavior.) People can be self-centered jerks sometimes, but sometimes there’s more going on behind the scenes than you know, and while I’m (too easily) one to grumble when inconvenienced, in the end it’s not worth clinging to that disgruntlement.
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I am wondering about this, though: The next time you clear your calendars for a 2-hour lunch, please remember to leave your server a generous tip. This will help make up for the one you cost her. What about the other server, the one who waited on the 2nd table? Had the first group left the table more promptly, then presumably that table’s server would have earned 2 tips and the other server earned none. It seems to me that both servers earning a tip is better than one earning 2 tips and the other earning none.
This isn’t a tough call at all. The primary fault was the complete self-absorption of the ‘Table o Six’, the secondary fault was that of the restaurant. Once the meal is finished and the check is paid, a reasonable amount of time to linger is 5 minutes, 10 max. After that, if you want to have a reunion, do so elsewhere. The restaurant is a business, not a lounge.
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The manager of the restaurant should have come over at the 15-20 minute mark, if not sooner, and chatted up the Tof6 cordially before telling them something along the lines of – ‘We really appreciate your business. We’re quite busy today and have other large groups waiting for this table. If you don’t mind moving to the bar area (if there was one), we would certainly appreciate it. We look forward to seeing you again soon…’ If necessary, comp the group one drink each, away from the table.
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Lastly, folks need to re-read the Cornershot. The writer never said the Tof6 tipped badly. The writer merely suggested that if they were going to be absent social manners, the least they could do is tip the waitstaff generously. As in the unspoken message of – ‘I hope you at least tipped enough to make up for the lost table service’.
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Nobody likes being rushed in a restaurant, but adults should understand the restaurant is there to cater to more than just their personal whims. if one wants to while away hours chatting, go to a bookstore where it’s accommodated without infringing on the equal rights of other customers. Don’t do it in a restaurant during lunch hour. It’s really very simple. Don’t be self-absorbed, treat others as you’d like to be treated.
If one wants to see poor table etiquitte, go to Penera Bread at lunch time. Watch people with their order in their hands wait for a table and notice tables with someone using wifi that has finished eating.
The table of six went out to lunch to enjoy other’s company. They did not go out to lunch so that they could make the party of eight wait to be seated. Maybe they were the ones that had made reservations, and chose to use that time to catch up. I don’t understand why a party of eight would not think they may have to wait for a table. Understandably, anywhere you go, it is usually going to be more difficult in finding a eight top, compared to if it just a couple dining out. Secondly, they were eating lunch. They did not go when there would be a known rush, like dinner on a weekend, but rather a laid back lunch with nice conversation. Had they been drinking? Maybe they were all waiting a respectable amount of time to be able to drive again. , Ms. Stilwell should have put herself in the other people’s shoes. How would she like to be rushed out of pleasant conversation after enjoying a nice meal just because other people, that may or may not have made a reservation, wanted to eat? They all paid for the same food, why should they be treated different?
Laura, the tip situation doesn’t have to be a zero sum gain, like you erroneously stated. The one known is that the Tableof6 stayed for an additional hour, thus guaranteeing that a second party couldn’t come in, eat, and leave a tip. Why presume that no third party would have come in and occupied the second table? Then there would have been three tips left instead of two. It seems to me that two waitpeople earning three tips is better than two waitpeople earning two tips.
Reservations or no reservations it doesn’t matter. Don’t sit them at that table if its reserved. Laura you’re way off. Save your scenarios.
2 hours for a table of 8 ppl to enjoy a leisurely lunch is not unreasonable. Factor in the time it took for all 8 ppl to get there…maybe they all didn’t show up at the same time. Then the greetings and talk before looking at the menu. Then they have to order drinks, apps, salads, meal. The kitchen has to cook the food and then the server serve it. The table of 8 has to eat..not inhale their food. Plus talk and catching up. Then maybe more drinks, dessert, coffee. Yeah… I think 2 hours is a reasonable amount of time for 8 ppl to have a nice lunch together. Shame on the restaurant for not taking that into consideration.
I second David’s comment. I can’t count how many times I’ve gone into Panera in Christiansburg and Blacksburg and literally been left holding my sandwich wandering around looking for a table while someone with a laptop sits around with their long empty plate and empty drink cup. Often a table for 4 being occupied for 1. I’ll never understand the logic on why so many people enjoy working out in public like that.
#13 Kim, you just ignored the facts presented in the letter. The writer said that they watched the table pay their bill and have their table cleared. There was no additional ordering, no extra time necessary for people to arrive. No extra cups of coffee. The group sat at an empty table for a full hour after they had paid their bill and the table had been cleared.
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The point is for one full hour after paying their bill and having zero items on the table, the group stayed during a busy lunch hour. You also totally twisted the fact the restaurant said absolutely nothing into a ‘shame on the restaurant for not taking that into consideration’.
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It amazes me how many people have defended the selfish behavior of the Table of 6. I guess that’s why this has become more common in dining these days.
I’ve been on both ends of this situation. Both in a large group waiting for our reserved table to be ‘cleared’ and in a large, chatty group, long enjoying our conversation after the actual meal had been consumed and settled out. My feelings are therefore two-fold: 1) be conscience of those around you at all times and how your actions are affecting other people. [side note: this also applies to wandering in the supermarket talking on your cell phone oblivious that others are in the aisle]. Try to be considerate. 2) note how places like Blue Apron and I believe River & Rail have timed ‘seatings’. When we know we are going to be long-winded, we book the last seating of the evening and close the place [being careful not to keep the waitstaff after hours]. Communication and consideration, with a touch of compassion usually makes all the difference.
Reservations or no reservations it doesn’t matter. Don’t sit them at that table if its reserved.
Well, that’s clear as mud.
You’ve all made good points. My take on it is that this is one of those situations, like merging in traffic, where you hope everyone involved has some sense and is paying attention.
If I was part of a large party at an informal place and noticed people waiting, I would feel it was only fair to free up the table for both them and the restaurant. I once stood in Alejandro’s in downtown Roanoke with a bunch of friends for quite a while waiting for the table right in front of us to clear for dinner, and I couldn’t help but stare at them a lot.
If my party was at a formal restaurant for either lunch or dinner and I had made reservations and dropped a lot of money for that meal, I would probably feel entitled to linger a little if the company is special and the conversation is lively. In that case, I’d tip very generously.
As a former restaurant hostess, I know it’s important to watch the tables and gauge, based on where they are in the meal, how long they will stay. If this table was on the entree when the other group walked in, the hostess should have known it would be a good while. If they have paid their checks, as a hostess I would assume they were about to leave and might be caught off guard when I promised the table but they didn’t leave. That’s when the hostess makes the call as to whether she tells the waiting people it may be a while, can they serve them free drinks, etc.
There is another piece to this letter that I have not seen. Was there another party of 6-8 waiting? While I agree it would have been polite for the first party to leave, once the second party was seated, if no one else was waiting, there was no reason to leave. In that case, the server did not lose a tip.
The fault is with the restaurant they should be able to accommodate more large parties and not just a table at a time. When I’m with a large party we take as much time as we need or want since we’ve basically paid for the use of the table with our purchase of food, drinks,& tip. Befored 20 mins passed they would have gotten a new table ready. Its not up to the dining party to rush their experience to let the next table sit.
I have seen this at Gillies in Blacksburg on a Sunday during brunch. The last time we were there two tables near us… one had 3 adults and 1 child, one had 5 adults…. were done eating. The child was getting restless at that one table and wandering around. We were waiting on our food. By the time our food came and we finished it, paid our bill, etc…. both tables were still sitting there chit chatting. There was the usual line of people waiting to get seated too. The table of 5 adults had finished eating before we were seated.
When it’s a place like that, you should be a it more conscious of the line of people. You don’t have to wrap things up immediately and feel rushed but you shouldn’t linger too long. Finish your cup of coffee or your drink. Finish up the conversation but then take it outside.
The hostess or waitress should have checked in on that table a few times to see if they needed anything else. To me that’s a reminder that they have noticed you sitting there for some time. You can be very polite doing this and not made them feel like you are pushing them out the door. Just a “can I get you anything else” every 10 mins.
It depends on the situation. Once I was at a restaurant for lunch with a group of 4 friends. One of these friends had just lost her 8 year-old son to cancer. We really needed to be there for her at this time and it took a while. Like a 2 hour time. Yes, we laughed as we remembered him and it did take some time, so I’m sure others just thought we were “Ladies who lunch”. Don’t judge until you have been there. Sometimes you just get mad for your delay, but the delay may not always be what you think.
There is one thing you can count on every server bringing you without asking, the bill. This is something that annoys me no end! Have I spent too much time at your table? Or maybe the “party of 6″ is watching me! To be “worried” about the servers tip is what makes this post even more ridiculous.
Give me a break!
Did you notice that the party of eight din not say how long they stayed at their table
Thanks Lindsey, I had the number wrong. For all we know, table of 6 was the owner’s mom and friends.
If you’re a party of 8, make a reservation and avoid the stress.
At $2.01 an hour, the wait staff is trying to feed a family, take your reunions to the bar.
Art, you nailed it, and most of that $2.01 goes to pay the taxes on the tip the federal government assumes everyone leaves,
Lindsey, please see my comment on the Bent Mountain Bistro thread. Thanks!
Well said Art. I don’t care if you haven’t seen each other in 10 or 20 years. Maybe they are all terminally ill. Maybe there was nobody else waiting within a 10 mile block of the restaurant. You had your meal and the table is cleared. Now get up and find somewhere else to continue the conversation. There are plenty of places you can go to sit and have a casual conversation.
If you absolutely need 2 hours or more then reserve a private room at a restaurant.
Wow, I never expected this to generate any buzz. Of course there was a backstory that couldn’t be fully developed within the Cornershot word count, so this might clarify things a bit:
The restaurant in question is a small bistro-style place. We eat there often and know that lunch is their money-maker.
We DID call ahead to reserve the table. The hostess told us that Table of 6 had finished, was paying their bill, and the table would be ready in 15 minutes. We arrived at our appointed time, and then waited 20 minutes until another table became available. This is a busy bistro and we weren’t the only people waiting to be seated.
The hostess was gracious and apologized for the wait. We weren’t angry and we never expected her to ask Table of 6 to leave. We just felt it was inconsiderate for a big group to stay so long after they’d paid their bill.
I intended this entry to be a quirky reminder to be considerate, especially during a restaurant’s busy hours. And to leave a good tip if you take a little extra time.
Susan! Thanks so much for stopping by! There definitely needed to be some more information for everyone to fully understand the situation. Even without it, we had a good time debating the possibilities.
I’ll be interested to see whether these added details will change what readers had to say.
i have a friend who likes to drink coffee and linger at breakfast, i would tell the waitress not to keep filling his coffee cup. Me i eat and get out, maybe linger slightly on sunday while reading the paper, but it’s usually not a crowd waiting. Even when family came in for a funeral we didn’t linger much and 2 of them had to travel a long distance.
Tammy- I’ve seen the hostess at Gillies ask people to leave on busy Sunday mornings on more than one occasion, but that was a while ago. I dont think that particular person is there any longer- and the seating/service has suffered in her absence.