...but not necessarily a good one.

First up was Raysharde, the "black Clay Aiken." He looked like one of the Jackson 5 and Simon likened him to a "70s cruise ship cabaret singer."

Then we met DeAnna (the capital A is very important, according to her). DeAnna needs to work through some anger issues, which she kinda took out on her rendition of "Fancy."

That was just the tip of the iceberg for Charleston.

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I had an event last night so I'm catching up now ... looks like Charleston isn't gonna bring the talent, though ...

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I had to go back and watch Alberto Hurtado's audition. If you missed it, here it is.
Alberto on YouTube

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Carly Hennessy is by far my favorite. Apparently she tried out before and made it to Hollywood, but because of some Visa problems she was disqualified. Carly, I'm glad you're back. Not only do I dig the tattoos, but your voice was on. I'm always on the lookout for the rocker chick ... think Gina Glocksen from Season 6 and even as far back as Nikki McKibbin from the first season. Not many people can pull off Chaka Khan, even I know that, but man ... I'd say Carly came pretty close. I know where my vote is (at this point, anyway).

Wednesday night auditions are in South Carolina. I can't wait. Those Southerners are sassy.

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But David Archuleta's (another back story ... the kid with the vocal paralysis) smile reminded me of a young and very innocent Sanjaya Malakar's smile during auditions. I'll fess up. I thought Sanjaya was so cute when he auditioned. (I know! I know! I feel sick just thinking about it.) But, he was all shy and grinning with that sister of his. I had the same thought for David. I think Paula did, too. When Paula calls someone a "sweetheart," it's on.

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The end of tonight's show proved the best for me. For the past three episodes I've been waiting. Waiting for someone to really make me laugh -- not necessarily shock me -- just make me laugh. Alberto Hurtado, as predictable as it may be, was that guy tonight. The hippie flower child who was apparently way into fans decided that singing his own song would be the key. Has this ever worked? Has anyone sang their own song and made it to Hollywood? If so, please tell me because I can't remember.

Back to Alberto. Simon said his song was the most depressing song he's ever heard in his life. I wasn't even listening to the words. I was just watching the movements. And the literal "heart on my sleeve." I was laughing. I think because this guy wasn't using gimmicks, and I really don't think he was doing it to just get on TV. He really thinks he's talented. And as awful as it sounds, that made me laugh tonight. After this I'm going to look up Alberto's MySpace page. If he doesn't have one yet, he will soon enough, I'm sure.

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Blake Boshnack has auditioned 10 times. Remember, he was dressed like the Statue of Liberty during Season 5 auditions? San Diego made his 11th attempt. Does this guy have nothing better to do? Does he not have a job? Even worse, his mom wants this more than he does. She reminds me of a pageant mom. Poor guy. The sad thing is he was actually not that bad tonight. And the only thing Simon could say? "You're the idiot that dressed like the Statue of Liberty." Yeah, give it up Blake. You and mom might want to consider counseling.

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Come on auditioners...even I know this. Don't try to pull off:

Whitney Houston (the delusional duo of Christopher Baker and Monique Gibson are proof of this)
Mariah Carey
Celine Dion

And usually Aretha Franklin, but Samantha Musa did. Her sister accompanied her to the audition and actually made her way onto Simon's lap to help judge sister Sam's audition. Paula finally said something that sounded remotely industry-related: "You're naturally good." Again, another unanimous yes by all the judges. (Oh, and shout-out to my friend Erin in NYC: Samantha kinda resembles you....it's cool.)

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For regular viewers of the show, you know what the emotional back story is. Tonight's big one was single father Perrie Cataldo. His wife and the mother of his son recently passed away. He sang Boyz II Men's "I'll Make Love to You." Paula dug it. Apparently Randy and Simon did, too. He got the unanimous thumbs up.

Tonight's big set-up was Mariah Carey wannabe Valerie Reyes. You know, she said that folks walk by her and ask "Do you have Mariah Carey playing?" To which she answers: "No, it's just me." You know from the beginning she's not going to make it to Hollywood. In fact, after her rendition of some incomprehensible Mariah song, Simon says: "You sound more like Mariah Carey's CD left out in the sun." Duh.

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OK, I'm a little late because I had to TiVo the show tonight. But I'm at the halfway point now and here are some quick observances. Simon has come out with some nice zingers this evening, so far. For instance, his first quote of the night to Tetiana Ostopowych: "I don't think you're as good as you think you are."

She made it through, though, with a yes from Simon.

Another quote that made me laugh following the delusional duo of Christopher Baker and Monique Gibson: "No children will be laughing after that," following Michael's rendition of "The Greatest Love of All."

Another quick observance so far. All of the yes votes have been unanimous. That's rare.

Stay tuned for more ...

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Wow, I must've been in a mood last night!

Some definite weirdos came out of the woodwork for the Texas auditions. The one who stands out? And not for his talent, either. Brandon "Fingernail Guy" Green. Keeping your clipped fingernails in a bag is just weird behavior. And now 30 million people know this about him. But, whatever. He made it through.

Wednesday's show did provide more entertainment than Tuesday's premiere, I must admit. But overall it just seems like something is lacking. (According to the ratings, I'm not the only who thinks that. Preliminary numbers show viewership was down 11 percent compared to last season.) Maybe it's the lack of talent. Maybe it's the fact that we know only a certain few go on to actually become big stars and usually they aren't the winners. (Remember Taylor Hicks and Ruben Studdard? Yeah, me neither.) Or it could just be that the format is getting old. Sure, it's fun to watch the freak show. Somehow I take comfort in the fact that those people are out there -- it makes me feel kinda normal. But the shock value has played out. Just like a recycled soap opera plot.

Let's just get to the competition and hope some true talent comes out of it.

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