A few hours from now, the airwaves will be filled with flacks and pundits trying to tell us who won tonight’s first debate between President Barack Obama and Republican Mitt Romney.

But there’s no need for spin doctors to explain what happened this afternoon at Nationals Park in Washington, where Teddy Roosevelt won a different kind of presidential race.

On the final day of baseball’s regular season, the oversized head that resembles our 26th president outran his Mount Rushmore rivals — George Washington, Thomas Jefferson and Abe Lincoln — and scored his first-ever win in more than 500 of the comical races. The president mascots race around the warning track in the middle of the fourth inning of every Washington Nationals home game, and Teddy’s losing streak was starting to get, well, national attention.

But Teddy’s win comes with the taint of scandal. It appears that his presidential rivals were taken out by an emaciated version of the Phillie Phanatic, giving Teddy a clear path to the finish tape. Will Congress investigate?

For now, to borrow a line from another former president, Teddy’s long National nightmare is over.

– Michael Sluss