WEDLOCK: The true story of the disastrous marriage and remarkable divorce of Mary Eleanor Bowes, Countess of Strathmore
By Wendy Moore
Crown (Random House)
$25.95, 400 pages
Reviewed by Jill Bowen
This story is so sensational that it appears more like improbable fiction than truth. Indeed when William Makepeace Thackeray first heard of the details of Mary Bowes' colorful life he used it as the basis for his successful novel “The Luck of Barry Lyndon.” Mary Bowes was the only daughter of an extremely wealthy Yorkshire coal mine owner who died in 1760 when Mary was 11 years old, naming her as the sole heir to his vast estate and stipulating that any husband must change his name to Bowes. Mary had been given an excellent education on the insistence of her father, a very uncommon thing in Georgian times.
By the time Mary was 13, she was “intelligent, accomplished, and self-confident, and engagingly pretty with her curling brown hair and blue-gray eyes,” and quickly attracted a swarm of suitors. In this era when “the question of whether to marry for money or for love had become one of the chief dilemmas of the age.” With her fortune and her longing for love, Mary was caught between the two. She decided on marriage on her 18th birthday to the 28-year-old ninth Earl of Strathmore, John Lyon who took the name Bowes-Lyon. This marriage was an unhappy compromise, as Mary knew she was marrying the wrong man.
The marriage produced five children but was filled with acrimony and contempt from her husband who never let her forget she was not an aristocrat by birth. “At a time when divorce was both rare and difficult, and separation spelled social exile, the death of a spouse was frequently the only means of escape from an unhappy marriage,” and Mary was delighted when the earl died in 1776. Leaving Mary a young, very rich, widow who celebrated by engaging in a number of affairs. One of her lovers was George Gray, “an unscrupulous entrepreneur who had returned from India with an enviable fortune,” who got her pregnant over and over again. Mary ended all the pregnancies except the last “with toxic abortifacients.” Gray fully expected to marry her until Andrew Robinson Stoney; an impoverished Irish soldier tricked her into marrying him.
Stoney took the name of Andrew Robinson Bowes, in accordance with Mary’s father’s will. Stoney was “conniving and manipulative when he wanted something, arrogant and defiant when he was spurned.” Bowes beat her often and mercilessly; Mary knew that there was little she could do because “during the eighteenth century wife beating was not only common and widely tolerated but even supported by law.”
Mary came to believe, like so many women in the same situation, that it was her faults and failings that were somehow responsible for her husband’s behavior. Eventually, Mary told her loyal and honest personal maid the full story of her husband’s abuses, finding in the maid a willing ally. Mary was terrified that Bowes would institutionalize her as “Throughout the eighteenth century husbands had successfully shut away disobedient or inconvenient wives in private asylums or country houses and often won the backing of the Georgian courts;” she also believed that, given the opportunity, he would murder her.
Mary, helped by her maid, ran away, leaving all of her children behind. She had no money, and as a woman she had few rights within “the male-dominated, tradition-bound society of the eighteenth century.” Yet she did something else equally astonishing: Though at the time it was almost impossible for a woman to end a marriage, Mary sued for divorce and to “regain all her land, mansions, mines, and income.” How Mary managed to achieve her aims and how it came about provides the climax of this book. Including the dramatic kidnapping and imprisonment of Mary in broad daylight from a London street by Bowes, who threatened to kill her unless she revoked the divorce. Escaping with the help of her maid and some ex-servants Mary exacts her revenge by dragging her husband through the law courts, winning her divorce and reclaiming her children and her money as well as getting Bowes imprisoned for assault.
The final result in the law courts decision in Mary’s favor “marked a significant victory in the lengthy process toward wives’ rights to retain their own property,” but what really stands out is the courage that Mary showed after years of unspeakable treatment by Bowes and to a lesser extent by her first husband. Although the newspapers of the time portrayed her as not much better than a prostitute, Mary emerges as honorable and brave. “Wedlock” is a serious compulsive read, it certainly made me realize how happy I am to be living now and not in the 1700s.
Queen Elizabeth 11’s mother was born Elizabeth Bowes-Lyon and was a direct descendant of Mary Bowes, as is the present Queen.
JILL BOWEN is a veterinarian in Blacksburg