2008.08.11
Depature
On May 12, my family and I began a 15-month period of separation—deployment. Though my wife and I had known of the date months in advance, that did little to ease emotions around my departure to Forward Operating Base (FOB) Falcon in Baghdad. Actually, the benefit to short-notice orders is that they allow only enough time for compliance. Instead, family time and denial gave way to reality at the moment of goodbye.
The moment: I retrieve my bag from the car, and my fingertips relay a kiss to the forehead of my three-month old daughter in her car seat. Meredith welcomes the gesture with the smile. I kiss and hug my 18-month old son, Lucas, and with a wave, I shut the car door. He waves back from his car seat; he is so cute. I walk around the back of the Jeep to hug my wife, Devon. It’s the clutching type that, for a second, feels as though it will last forever. The next second is one of strength and held breath.
I can hear Luke’s scream, when she opens the driver’s door to climb back into the Jeep. I stand on the airport curb so Luke does not see me walking away. The brake lights come on then off, and then, with the changing of gears, the distance between my family and myself begins to increase.
What follows is a tear-streaked walk through the airport. I don’t notice the stares as I dwell on my simultaneous wealth and poverty. As I shuffle to my gate, I take no second glances of my surroundings. I don’t care who sees the pain in my eyes, which I force to divert from toddlers and the shortening patience of their parents.
I realize that this moment will move from the forefront of my mind, I also realize that nothing will be normal for 15 months: one Christmas, one anniversary, and four birthdays. Even when I do return, everything will be different.
So when you take notice of a man shuffling through the airport with red eyes, tear-streaked cheeks and a conspicuous olive drab bag, take note. The man is a soldier; the man is me.
Rich Connaroe
Captain, U.S. Army
RICHARD.CONNAROE@US.ARMY.MIL
The thoughts and opinions in this article are that of the author alone and are not meant to represent the U.S. military. Any errors contained therein are that of the author.
