2009.05.27
Army Wives, Part 3: Beginning of The List
This column is the third in a series focusing on Army Wives and their sacrifices. My Army Wife, Devon Connaroe, compiled the following first half of the list, "Top Things Not To Say To The Spouse of a Deployed Soldier.”
Five Army Wives, whom my wife has befriended during our last five years in the military, contributed to the list: Robyn Mroszczyk, Melissa Salmon, Sheena Jorgensen, Erin Wackerhagen and Rasheedah Stewart. Many of these sayings were not exclusive to one individual, but heard by multiple women.
Often, people may attempt to empathize with the situation by saying one of the following:
“I know how you feel. My husband was away for nearly a week on business last month.” Although, well intended, a short business trip is NOTHING like experiencing the weight of a deployment, which can last from six to fifteen months.
“I know how you feel, I was a single mom.”
The wife does stay alone and care for things, but a single mom does not have to worry about a husband being in danger.
“I understand what you are going through, I watch the show Army Wives.”
The show Army Wives is not a reality show; it is a TV drama that is meant to mimic what writers believe to be true.
People may offer what they believe to be a compliment:
“I don’t know how you do it.”
“I couldn’t deal if my husband left that long.”
Hearing this is not a compliment. The wife does not have a choice to “deal,” and, often times, they don’t know how they get through either; they just do it because they honor and love their husband.
Some try to offer support and look on the bright side of things concerning the deployment.
“Well you only have 9 months left. The rest is easy now.”
Having a portion of the deployment completed does not make the rest of the separation easier.
If he is in Iraq, “At least he is not in Afghanistan.” OR
If he is in Afghanistan, “At least he is not in Iraq.”
Regardless of his location for the deployment, he is still in danger and still separated from his family.
The second half of the list will conclude the series in the next column.
I hope there's going to be a "Things you CAN say" list!
Comment by Michelle — May 27, 2009 @ 10:25 pm
ALL THIS IS SOOOOO TRUE!! You guys take Care and I'll pray for you and your family!
Comment by Ashley — May 28, 2009 @ 9:17 am
I hope so too (on Michelle's comment). I hope there have been atleast a few things that your wife & her friends have heard that were comforting & that they'll share or of something they wished they'd hear. I have no clue what it feels like to have a loved one away or to be the one away...but i pray for you both daily. There are so many different ways & words to address this life, prayer is the only answer i know to cover them all in wonder...& two words are all i can think of when face to face with either side (soldier &/or family) & that would be thank you!
I've enjoyed reading the blogs...thank you Rich & Devon for writing & posting them for us all.
Comment by Shannon — May 28, 2009 @ 9:48 am
Michelle and Shannon, that is exactly what the last installment, Part 5, will conclude with.
Ashley, Thank you.
Comment by Rich Connaroe — May 29, 2009 @ 1:10 pm