2009.06.11
Army Wives, Part 5: 'Can Say' Conclusion
This column is the fifth and final in a series focusing on Army Wives and their sacrifices. Devon Connaroe coauthors the series, drawing on conversations with five Army Wives: Robyn Mroszczyk, Melissa Salmon, Sheena Jorgensen, Erin Wackerhagen and Rasheedah Stewart.
Throughout a deployment, the spouse of a Soldier endures a great sacrifice. A script on how to converse with the spouse of a deployed Soldier does not exist. The right things to say are not lines stored on a pocket-sized notebook, which can be pulled out in the necessary moment. Upon meeting an Army Wife, you should not feel as though it is necessary to try to relate to her. Although you may feel it is socially necessary to comment on the Soldier’s absence, there is really no need to do so at all.
Support, encouragement and graciousness are appreciated. However, there is a key to interacting with the spouse: sincerity.
Be yourself. Be genuine. If you don’t know what to say, silence is acceptable.
If you pray, comfort the spouse by sending your prayers to the soldier and his family.
If you are grateful for the sacrifice, thank the husband or wife for what they are doing for your freedom.
If you want to help, be specific in what you are willing to offer, such as mowing the lawn. Empty offers are typically all encompassing. If you aren’t willing to rake leaves or bathe the dog, don’t say, “If you ever need anything, let me know.”
Be a friend. Show the spouse that you care about who she is, without defining her by the deployment.
In the end, it is the honesty and sincerity that means the most.
Dear Sir:
My husband AF SMSgt Rex Temple writes a blog from Afghanistan and sometimes looks for other items to publish on the days when he is tired or out on a mission. I absolutely loved your Army Wives Parts 1-5 and was hoping we could republish them with appropriate credit to you and the wonderful ladies who helped create the series. We only got married 3 years ago and deal with the issues mentioned in your series all the time.
Sincerely,
Liisa Temple
Wife of SMSgt Rex Temple
Tampa, FL
Comment by Liisa Temple — June 12, 2009 @ 11:22 am
Liisa,
It is my pleasure to serve alongside your husband. His blog is impressive.
He seems to write most days. Good on him. I understand how hard it is to upload pictures, sift through what you can talk about publicly, and put something out there so frequently.
I liked seeing about the training at Fort Riley that he completed a few months ago. My team went through nearly the same training at the same places last spring, and we are looking forward to redeploying in the coming weeks. I hope that his tour working with the Afghani Army has been as fulfilling as ours has been with the Iraqi Army.
Of course, you can republish the Army Wives series. My wife and I take your request as a great compliment. I do not want to downplay my wife's significant role in each of the articles. I wonder if you could even add to the list of 'what not to say' and 'what you can say.'
Most of all, thank you for your sacrifice and what you are doing. Supporting your husband. Caring for Sam and Charlie. Putting parts of your life on hold. Thank you.
Rich Connaroe
Husband of a Terrific Army Wife
Comment by Rich Connaroe — June 12, 2009 @ 5:24 pm