2008.08.26
Brother's keeper
Some of you may be familiar with the tragic death of 89-year-old George Rogers, whom I've written about in the preceding column (Violence: when is enough, enough?)
Mr. Rogers lie dead in his home for four days before his body was discovered. Someone raised a legitimate point: Why did it take so long for somebody to notice something awry? Why have we gotten away from looking out for each other?
Let's start a dialogue about neighbors. Sure, we say cynically that "good fences make good neighbors." But what happened to the days of the fictional Gladys Kravitzes, who kept an eye out?
I'm not suggesting that we should always be in someone's face, constantly on their doorstep borrowing the proverbial cup of sugar. But we don't even see our neighbors anymore, let alone be at least familiar with their daily pattern. I'm as guilty as most.
What have we as a society lost as a result of our lack of "neighborliness"?
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I think we've lost a lot - a lot of opportunities for community unity and growth. I probably caught the "tail end" of the times when neighbors knew each other, and growing up in a rural area probably helped me see and understand those times (the good old days).
I can't put my finger on any single cause, but can offer a few things I think contribute to the "loss of neighborliness". Increased competition and everyone "wanting it now" reduces our schedules to where family/neighborly meetings are a distraction to be avoided.
Another possible reason would be what I see as a drift away from "protecting the innocent" to "punishing the guilty". Everyone is afraid of getting sued for owning a swimming pool, having a dog, or just backing out of their driveway. Instead of porch discussions of current events, people go directly to their legislators for petty squabbles or things that wouldn't directly affect them in an attempt to make more and more behavior illegal.
Perhaps it is mindless TV with flashy 30 second clips, then on to the next.
Who knows.
There are plenty of others, but I want to see what other people are thinking, too.
Comment by Ed S. — August 26, 2008 @ 9:28 am
I was reading a weight loss book and it pointed out that we have saved ourselves so much time with gadgets and other modern conveniences, but we are busier than ever. The book was trying to convence people to slow down and cook a meal instead of buying out or microwaving. But it made a good point. We've filled our times with so much other things, that we don't have time for our family let alone our neighbors.
Comment by Dana — August 26, 2008 @ 11:06 am
"What have we lost as a result of not being "neighborly"? I think we've lost humanity and the core of civilization itself. No amount of wealth, nothing you can live in, drive, or wear in a show of "conspicuos consumerism" will compare to the feeling in your HEART when you KNOW you've done the RIGHT thing by helping your neighbor who needs it.
Politicians care nothing about you, regardless of what you WANT to believe. Cops can't protect you all the time (call a cop, a plumber, and order a pizza and see which one gets there first). But neighbors, living and working together can accomplish whatever they want. Somebody KNOWS who killed poor old George Rogers. They should tell it. And if neighbors all over the Roanoke Valley (and everywhere else) would just be kinder, gentler, and "look out" for each other a little more, things like this won't happen so often. We've also lost a "sense of security" by not being neighborly. Having good neighbors is one of the best forms of "security" you can have. And the way to start having a good neighbor is to BE a good neighbor. Did YOU speak to YOUR neighbor today?
Comment by Percy Kution — August 26, 2008 @ 9:05 pm
The death of George Rogers was indeed a terrible tragedy. And it is sadly true that too often our neighborhoods are no longer neighborly anymore -- by watching out for one another. It is difficult to pinpoint when and why this change came about, or to understand how it spread so quickly in many different areas.
It seems the only way to get to know our neighbors is to have a dog. Everyone knows the people who walk their dogs. In fact, a whole different kind of relationship happens among dog people. (Even when they only remember your dog's name.)
It used to be that way with children, too. Youngsters were in and out of the homes of neighborhood friends; though they preferred to play outside. This often required little more than imagination and an empty can to kick. Such interactions between children created bonds between neighborhood parents and grandparents as well. These days, children are rarely even seen playing outdoors. Today, TV watching, text messaging, computers, video games and numerous scheduled activities -- away from neighborhoods -- have become the new norm.
It is incomprehensible that neighbors would not be especially watchful over their elderly neighbors, or their neighbors with disabilities. However, as I have witnessed in my own neighborhood, these are two groups who are often the last to be thought about in our hectic, fast-paced lives.
Children learn kindness and responsibility from their parents. And, we all know the population overall is aging. Thus, this issue has serious implications for our future.
Comment by Ms. Goldenwillow — August 26, 2008 @ 10:05 pm
Lots of good food for thought in the above posts.
Comment by Mike — August 27, 2008 @ 3:04 am
Two things stuck out to me in Ms. Goldenwillow's post.
Kids aren't outdoors as much as they used to be. We do actually see kids outside playing up the street from us; I believe one of the families runs a day care and sits outside while the kids play. I'm sure that TV and games keep a lot of kids inside. But I think more and more parents are keeping their kids inside because of the lost neighborliness. As places become more crowded (from rural to suburban to urban), parents know fewer of the people in the neighborhood, and therefore do not want their kids running around.
The dog comment was spot-on. My wife and I met so many people in the neighborhood when we got our dog. In fact, it's quite amazing, and nothing I ever would have thought of before. As the dogs meet, so do the owners (only we shake hands, fortunately!). As the local neighborhood watch coordinator, I'm trying to utilize that to our advantage, as dog walkers and neighborhood joggers/runners provide an excellent "eyes in the neighborhood" resource for the community. I just hope it takes off. Just getting NW going is a huge task, because people just aren't as neighborly as they once were.
Comment by Ed S. — August 27, 2008 @ 12:31 pm
Good idea, Ed!
You have come up with a brilliant solution. I have no idea if other neighborhood watch committees have incorporated this idea, to involve joggers and dog walkers already making the rounds of their neighborhoods. Perhaps your neighborhood could become a model for others. I am also wondering whether, In remembrance of Mr. George Rogers and all he stood for, neighborhoods might be encouraged to adopt a "George Rogers Good Neighbor Plan."
Not every neighborhood has safe walking areas, but many do. Since walkers and joggers are the folks out and about their neighborhoods on a regular basis, they might be the most easily approached to become neighborhood volunteers, agreeing to keep their eyes open for anything unusual. At the same time, some might also agree to add their names to a "Good Neighbor" contact list. Then when a neighbor might be out of town or hospitalized, those neighborly volunteers on the list could be called upon to check mail, keep an extra eye on the house, feed a pet or even water the flowers -- spending just a little extra time while maintaining their regular exercise routines.
In the case of elderly, sick, or disabled neighbors, perhaps neighborhood volunteers could be assigned one person with special needs to call and check on. Any neighbors living in close proximity might be asked to contact a designated neighbor or family member, if there seems to be a problem or lack of activity in the home.
Even through greater awareness and discussions such as this, we are not likely to change the more isolating direction our society continues be taking. I am afraid we are going to see an even more guarded privacy and even less of the good-old-days of neighborliness. It is understandable that parents are more protective of their children, and that people are more fearful of one another than ever before. The 24-7 news doesn't help ease those fears. So, we do need to look forward rather than backward to find new and different solutions, such as the one Ed S. has suggested. Often, it is just a matter of asking, letting folks know what is needed and how they may help.
Comment by Ms. Goldenwillow — August 27, 2008 @ 4:11 pm
I am my brother's keeper....? Is it not a time when we look in on our neighbor or we all told to mind our own business, or quit being nosy, or is it just simply keeping up with the Jones.
Is it not the times when things go bump in the night and we just don't take a look or are we just plane scared to see those things that terrifies us, so we pull the cover up tight praying for the safety of the morning sun.
For Mr. George Rogers some apparition of a heartless beast left this man lifeless form and we failed as a community to notice our neighbor absence from society.
Southern Bell Phone Company slogan was "just pick up the phone and just say hi". what's wrong in being neighborly.
To answer your question Yes, and I will be the monsters jailer too.
Comment by Terry B. — August 27, 2008 @ 6:05 pm