What to do with a forlorn feline
Thai is just not happy and I am at a loss to fix that.
He’s always been my shadow. He is at his most content when he has me all to himself, no husband and dogs around. I try to make that happen at least for a few minutes every day.
But lately he spends all of his one-on-one time with me plaintively meowing his laundry list of grievances and I can’t for the life of me figure out what he wants.
I top off his bowl. I get him fresh water. I open closet doors. Even when I go somewhere quiet to read and he assumes his normal position, curled up near me, he still voices his displeasure.
Cats do not like change, and there has been a lot of it lately at the Chez Nelson Resort and Spa for Pampered Pets.
My daughter moved out and took her cat, India, with her. Thai and India had been together since they were 6-month-old kittens. While they were far from BFFs, they were at least feline company for each other.
Then we had to travel and, for a few days, Thai was alone. Then we came home and we were hound-sitting for a friend, so there were four pooches in the house. We had to move his litter box.
Then we lost Dexter.
A week later, we gained a summer intern renting a spare bedroom. Our houseguest was Thai’s caregiver while we went on vacation.
Too much upheaval for Thai, I think. Now that I think about it, it would be overwhelming for anyone. I’m feeling a little stressed just writing about it.
I am waffling on whether adding another kitty to the family would make things better or worse for Thai.
Maybe he needs therapy. Or just some quiet time when nothing new happens.
Tell me, cat lovers, what do you do to help a sad and confused kitty deal with life’s roller coaster ride?
July 13, 2010 - 10:04 AM
I have found that the older Sable gets (17 going on 18) the harder it is for her to accept anything different in her life no matter how insignificant it seems to me. I’ve had cats, male and female, for many years and I think that Thai is just not happy with the changes she is experiencing. A new kitten would rock her world too much and you may end up with more problems. When I brought Abby home, Sable rebelled ferociously. She made herself sick, hissing and growling constantly, refused to use the litter box, and stopped eating and drinking. I really thought she would die at one point until I began locking her up in a room by herself with her bed, food dishes and litterbox. The quiet and peace made her come around. She still hates Abby but is back to “normal”. When the household gets busy, she retreats to her room. I think the best thing is what you said-quiet time where nothing happens…and much love of course!
There’s a calming spray that helps one of my cats. I don’t recall the name of it, but its available at Petsmart. Catnip and a new scratching toy , such as one of those cardboard things is fun for my cats too.
I notice that my cat tends to act funny about a week or two after we come back from vacation. It’s like the first week or so he’s so glad we’re there that he’s nice and friendly, but then when he’s sure we aren’t leaving again he’ll bite our legs. Although we just inherited a cat so he’s been busy getting used to her so maybe he’ll forego biting. But for animals they take longer to come to terms with what’s happening and go through stages of how they deal with whatever it is that’s going on. Like Sandy, I say give Thai some quiet time and much love. But keep an eye on him. Sometimes if cats meow a lot there could be an underlying health problem that’s easily attributed to something else.
The calming spray is called Feliway – comes in both a spray bottle (good for spritzing inside the travel case on the way to a vet visit) and a wall outlet dispenser that you plug in just like a room freshener. I recommend the dispenser – has worked wonders over the years for one my high-stress cats (moving into a new house, addition of a new cat or dog, etc). I actually caught her up on her back legs, paws on either side of the dispenser, nose pressed to it, inhaling as if she could not get enough. Could be a sign of bigger issues for poor little kitty…
Ken, are you referring to Feliway?
We’ve had mixed results with that…some cats calm down while others remain quite aggravated.
We’ve not had to deal with such a situation though, even with one of our cats passing 3 years ago and another vanishing around the same time. Since we had several cats back then, they pretty well seemed to adapt to the change, and the move we made shortly after those things happened.
When I was growing up we did have a problem with 2 cats (brother & sister) when my parents divorced. The female cat was basically my mom’s cat, and when she moved out, Angel did not adapt well and stopped using the litter box. We wound up having to find a new home for her because she couldn’t take the changes. Her brother Shadow did a bit better, but after losing my mom and Angel within a year, he began to act very distressed about another year later and my dad wound up finding him a new home too (dad was no fan of cats then). About 4 years after that was when we had our next cat, a stray who adopted us, and remained my dad’s loyal companion for the next 10+ years.
A new cat to be a friend for Thai could either really help the situation, or further stress him out…and there’s no real way to be certain how it would go. A friend of ours takes a rather unique approach to introducing a new animal to his house. He gives his existing animals a bath and puts some cologne near their noses to overwhelm their sense of smell. He does the same with the new animal. The existing animals recognize that there’s a new kid in town visually, but because they can’t smell anything other than the cologne, they don’t flip out over the addition. As the scent wears down, the new animal’s smell slowly emerges and he’s said there is very little conflict between the old and new animals when he’s done that. I’m not sure I’d do that, but he swears by it. He has 3 dogs and a half-dozen cats currently.
Vickie I laughed out loud at the mental image of your cat hugging the calming spray container. I might have to try that on Thai. And maybe me too.
Would a sad kitty really prefer a spray over love and attention from his owner? Maybe the spray really works and is vet-endorsed, but it still strikes me as taking the lazy route. Before introducing sprays, etc., I’d make a concerted effort to give Thai lots of attention, going out of your way to love him and make him the center of your attention, and for more than just a few minutes a day. If he likes to play, then spend time playing with him…chasing a dot of laser light, interactive toys, catnip etc. Or just lots of petting and affection if the cat is older and doesn’t play a lot. (old cats still seem to get off on those laser pointers, though!) If after a week of concentrated efforts at giving him lots of love and attention he still seems unhappy, I’d talk to your vet and get professional advice. When my cat was killed, his companion cat died a little more than a year later, and my vet thinks the second cat literally died of a broken heart. Thai may be grieving the loss of India, like my cat grieved his lifelong companion, and I did make the mistake of getting a kitten (to provide stimulation/companionship) and it was a disaster. The first cat hated her, and before he died a year later, he was still just barely civil to the kitten. Who knows, but it sounds like he’s telling you (with all the verbalizing) that he needs (and deserves!) more attention right now. I’d also hold off on getting another cat now, especially after so many major changes recently. Probably not what Thai needs, and it could make things way worse. Good luck – I hope Thai feels happier soon!
Nona, I second the Feliway outlet dispenser; I believe it is supposed to work on about 60% of cats. It was Vickie who introduced me to it, and it worked well when I got a new cat. You can buy refills for your original plug in, and one container of the liquid lasts about a month in the plug in container. I’d also agree with getting your kitty some calm and quiet if you can.
I think cats need buddies of their own species. Even if they don’t get along, it gives them something to do (bother each other).
Nona,
The Roanoke Natural Food Store on Grandin has something called Rescue Remedy. I found this has worked greatfor everyone (people too). As you know, I struggled with the decision to get another cat after my cat’s passing. While FriskyPants, our other cat, was friendly enough to the new cat he seems to be in the adjustment phase of taking on the mature, calm, alpha kitty role. He learned well from Gary, but at times he seems frustrated by the new furball we call WillieJack. While I wanted the new one here to help in my grieving process (which has helped tremedously) I have to remember that FriskyPants is grieving as well. I don’t think that pets grieve the same as us, but there is definately a sad period they go through. Luckily, WillieJack is, slowly but surely, helping both of us in more ways than a cat could ever know.
I say try a foster cat. See what happens. When you foster you can always give them back. Its not only you that must choose the new friend, but Thai as well.
OJ – I need to check the name of that product. My niece gave me a bottle to try. I put it in a cat carrier when I took my oldest cat to the vet, but not sure if it helped.
My 2 long haired cats seem to react positively to it. One is 15, one is 7. I don’t use it a lot, I just spray it near places in the house that I know they will visit. The younger cat fusses sometimes late at night to go out, but I think the spray makes him settle down a bit.
They enjoy catnip too, it seems to break up the monotony for them.
I agree that Thai needs some quiet time to settle down. My daughter says he needs extra loving too. So our prescription is….peace and petting! lol
I agree the cats need time and attention, but catnip and other things can help smooth things out too. The spray I used has the name Comfort in the title.
Thanks, everyone, for the advice. While I always thought Thai didn’t like catnip, the one time he had homegrown catnip he loved it. That may help him perk up his spirits. So I am adding a trip to the organic catnip dealer on my to-do list now.
We are home this weekend with no plans, so I think I will send my husband to the family room to watch golf with the dogs (such a sacrifice) and I will spend some quiet time with Thai. I agree that he needs all the love and affection I can give him now.
Katie: Excellent idea about fostering a cat. A new cat really is more for Thai than for me, so he needs to like whomever we invite to live with us. We might try that in a few weeks when things settle down a little and we’d definitely want a grown cat, not a kitten.
Other John: I’ve only given Thai a bath a few times, but he likes water and doesn’t mind it. I may try that method before we bring in a new buddy.
Hello Jitterbug,
Just to reassure you, I’m not recommending using Feliway (or any other product) as a substitute for the love and attention you give to your pet, rather as a supplement for when you can’t be at home to provide comfort. Feliway simulates the pheromones felines make naturally to mark their territory, so it actually helps cats feel calm and comfortable in their home environment. It doesn’t work for all cats, but I’ve found it to work remarkably well, as I said, for one of my cats who is especially susceptible to high-stress situations.
How is India doing with her move? Would it be possible for her to come back adn live with you and your daughter get a new kitty? That way Thai would have the old kitty back they one he knows and loves. Just an idea .. I would think that India would be having some separation issues as well. Would be easier for a new kitty to be in a place alone than an old kitty getting a new one.
As a mama to Dixie (10 years now) I have experienced some of the same issues. Dixie and I have moved several times, with 2 being cross-country moves. Each time she goes through a period of nervousness as part of her adjustment. After moves she goes through a period of daytime hiding and nighttime vocalizing. Normally is takes at least 2 months for her to settle. I did one time try to introduce another cat into the home to see if same species companionship would help. I learned from that experience that Dixie is a one cat in the house kind of cat. I wouldn’t recommend another cat so soon. I think some one-on-one time with his humans and a period of stability will bring Thai back to his old self.
When I was looking, I really liked Callie at the RVSPCA. She’s a reverse calico. Very sweet and let me cuddle her. She was with the other cats in the front room. She also played fetch with my son and actually brought the ball back! I opted not to get her because I felt she looked too similar to Gary.
“So I am adding a trip to the organic catnip dealer on my to-do list now.” Is that legal?
WOW, I get banished to the basement to watch the British Open? If that is the sacrifice I need to make….
Honey, I think the fostering idea is good.
Our cats don’t like baths too much, but they’re ok getting drenched in the rain. We may wind up picking a good heavy rainstorm to get them wet, then rub some shampoo into their fur and let nature finish the rinse cycle naturally. I’ve never quite understood why they are that way…if we try to do it ourselves we usually wind up needing a lot of bandaids.
I do not know any great tips for cheering up Thai, but I hope that he gets better really soon. It’s so hard to know sometimes what they are wanting / needing. Sometimes one of my cats will jump in bed with me, come up to my face and just meow at me over and over. I have no clue what he’s telling me, but scratching his chin usually quiets him down.
By the way, I have been following your blog for a while now and wanted to tell you how much I enjoy it!
Hope you let us know how Thai is after your one-on-one day.
I promise I will, Liz. Last night I was reading messages on my BlackBerry while Thai was rubbing his chin against it. He nipped at the cell phone. I figured that was his way of telling me to put it down and pay attention to him.
Or he needed to check Twitter.
Maybe he wanted to check out his facebook page.